Linguistic Nightmares for Beginning Language Students

techie

SuupaOtaku
Jul 24, 2008
568
4
A topic just for shitz and giggles to loosen up the senses...

We have surely all had our run-in's with the more elaborate errors in use of a foreign language.

My self, being fond of trial and error learning methods, have had more than my fair share so I will start this thread out, for the public amusement.

-- My worst Lingustic Mistake ever....

This is set in the early 90's, visiting a monastery out of all places, on a little weekend trip with a group of "colleagues from work".

I had barely started talking German, and did so at best in short sentences and mostly when alone at home for practice. Everyone around me spoke German natively and of course I was a bit reluctant to let it all hang out in public until I at least had the basic grammar going.

The day before, we had been going around testing wines, and believe me, drinking gallons of that stuff in 40 centigrades heat, (May in the middle east) is not a good idea if you wish to feel fresh the next day.

So, the Germans have a habit of celebrating something called Majfete or May Celebration directly translated, and this was where we now found ourselves, me and my ex, and a bunch of other friends.

The nuns from the monastery went around preparing the meals, setting out cakes and side dishes, more darn wine and stuff, while me and my ex where drinking water and (trying to) inflate a large number of balloons for the decor.

Finally I had enough, feelling mighty sick from the exhaling and being hungover, so I turned to my ex, looked her stern in the eyes and said out loud "Bitte, blass mir einen".

(Direct translated... - Please, BLOW ME!)

I have never seen a priest take off so fast from the grounds of a monastery, while the nuns stopped, blushed and laughed out loud to everyones great enjoyment.
 

redrooster

赤いオンドリ - 私はオタクです!
Staff member
Super Moderator
Sep 25, 2007
18,797
114
I had barely started talking German, and did so at best in short sentences and mostly when alone at home for practice. Everyone around me spoke German natively and of course I was a bit reluctant to let it all hang out in public until I at least had the basic grammar going.

The day before, we had been going around testing wines, and believe me, drinking gallons of that stuff in 40 centigrades heat, (May in the middle east) is not a good idea if you wish to feel fresh the next day.

So, the Germans have a habit of celebrating something called Majfete or May Celebration directly translated, and this was where we now found ourselves, me and my ex, and a bunch of other friends.

The nuns from the monastery went around preparing the meals, setting out cakes and side dishes, more darn wine and stuff, while me and my ex where drinking water and (trying to) inflate a large number of balloons for the decor.

Finally I had enough, feelling mighty sick from the exhaling and being hungover, so I turned to my ex, looked her stern in the eyes and said out loud "Bitte, blass mir einen".

(Direct translated... - Please, BLOW ME!)

I have never seen a priest take off so fast from the grounds of a monastery, while the nuns stopped, blushed and laughed out loud to everyones great enjoyment.

It´s called Maifeier / Maifete / Tanz in den Mai normally.

Wenn Du Probleme mit der deutschen Sprache / Aussprache hast, kannst Du einfach mich fragen... (hehe...)...

Mir tun nur die armen Nonnen leid, die müssen ein wirklich roten Kopf und rote Ohren bekommen haben...
 

techie

SuupaOtaku
Jul 24, 2008
568
4
Mir tun nur die armen Nonnen leid, die müssen ein wirklich roten Kopf und rote Ohren bekommen haben...

I am not surprised they turned red-eared.
I am more surprised they actually caught the implied meaning of it,
even faster than many of my then being colleagues and friends :)
You know what they say, "In the calmest waters..."

Nowadays I have some trouble with spelling only, but "aussprachsweise, da glaube ik hab'i kaum probleme mehr, auser wenn'i e-koffe gehen".

(Read that in Pfälsich) :evil:

--- Here is another anecdote for language mistakes, since nobody else dare confess... :)

I was working in the US in the highly religiously influenced state of Utah doing my usual IT gig.

One girl who was working in this store was quite friendly and liked to chit-chat from time to time, gave me an occasional ride in the same direction after work and so on, however she was of the religious kind and I tried my best to mind my manners and language around her best I could.

One day I was standing hanging over the kitchen counter in the lunch/coffee room and was cleaning some hardware parts, amongst others, my Logitech trackball which has a bad habit of collecting dust in the IR sensors.

She came in saying... "Oh, your're doing the dishes..."

I turned around, quite spontaneously and replied, holiding up the trackball saying...

"Nope, I'm cleaning my Ball!"

It took me a few seconds to catch myself, but then it was to late.
She didn't say a word to me for a good week. :sadomaso:
 

redrooster

赤いオンドリ - 私はオタクです!
Staff member
Super Moderator
Sep 25, 2007
18,797
114
"In the calmest waters..."

Stille Waser sind tief - means: quiet or silent waters are deep..., man könnte auch sagen, dass sie es faustdick hinter den Ohren haben.

Even when they are nuns they still should know what´s going on in real life...
 

techie

SuupaOtaku
Jul 24, 2008
568
4
Even when they are nuns they still should know what´s going on in real life...

Truly they do.
I must say I have never had so much fun as when sitting chatting with nuns.
The subtle but clear implications of many of their jokes makes one soon realize they are very much human but with a very refined sense of humor.

Deep indeed, and quick with their witty minds.