Performance anxiety? Too much porn? Problems with penetrative sex

[turtledude001]

I need to get this off my chest, so bear with me.

I did a casual date with an Asian tourist. A lot of them here in Hawaii. We talked in English since her not-so-good English is leagues better than my Japanese. Kissing led to deep kissing led to a great blowjob. I gave her oral, which she clearly enjoyed. She thank me for it. I was taken aback because I've never been thanked for oral ever so it seemed strange to me. Maybe it was a language barrier thing. Put on a cover and then we go into the penetrative sex. Then things went south. I lost my erection when she was on top after a few minutes. She was a bit awkward being on top and so I wasn't into it. I lasted much longer pounding her doggie style, felt awesome, but after shifting positions a bit, I lost it again. She kindly finished me with her hands and mouth.

I'm frustrated. I don't know what happened. She was hot and I enjoyed her company. I stayed hard in her hand and mouth, but I'm limp in her. WTF. Not that it really matters long term, we don't have a relationship and this is a one shot thing and she'll be back in Japan in days anyway. At least we both had a good time with oral. There's that at least. Nevertheless, I'm bothered by this.

Up until last week, I haven't had sex this year. Been trying the dating to get into a serious relationship and all that. Failed and so I said "fuck it" and hit the casual dating scene. In my case, hot tourists looking for fun. and I'm happy to obliged. So much easier. But my problem of seeking easy fucks and failing at long term is a different issue.

Anyway, as I said, last week I had my first successful casual date. Mixed Japanese/Korean-American tourist from LA. She was direct and asked me, "do you want to fuck me?" I've never been directly asked that before, so damn, that was a turn on to hear that. I successfully fucked her to completion. She even complimented my "strength", which I guess was referring to how hard I was going. But... I did go limp once when we were switching positions, but was that was only a minor speed bump and I recovered from it. However, that was in the back of my mind going into this week's encounter that I think has contributed to some performance anxiety?

My junk clearly works and can stay hard. So it definitely seems to be a psychological thing rather than something to be fixed with Viagra and such. My internet browsing suggests that it could be due to my porn exposure. I mean, as I said, I hadn't had sex in a while and it was just jerking off to JAV for months. The encounter last week was more porn-like with her directness and me fucking her as hard as I could. While this week's encounter was more slow and intimate. Maybe in my fucked up mind that's no longer exciting. I just don't know.

I'd like to hear some thoughts on the matter. If I'm lucky enough to have another sexual encounter any time soon, I'll report what happens as another data point in troubleshooting my problem.

 

[gd2731]

i have found that jerking it within two days of banging gives me the same sort of experience you described.

i think getting a bit limp in between changing positions is common. its only when i got a diamond-grade hardie that i will not, which is generally after at least two days of no jav.

get some horny goat weed, seriously, that shit will sort out whatever performance anxiety you got going on.

 

[turtledude001]

For the last encounter (the one that didn't work out), it was about two days since last jerk off. I'll try to put in as many no porn/jerking off days as possible before next dates. Though it'll be tough on days the dates don't lead to going to bed...

I never heard of horny goat weed. I'll have to look into that. Is it something you take everyday or so or only on dates?

 

[gd2731]

For the last encounter (the one that didn't work out), it was about two days since last jerk off. I'll try to put in as many no porn/jerking off days as possible before next dates. Though it'll be tough on days the dates don't lead to going to bed...

I never heard of horny goat weed. I'll have to look into that. Is it something you take everyday or so or only on dates?

Either or really. A lot of people use it as a daily supplement and some just pop it during/before a date. I would try it out as a supplement and see how your body reacts. I found that a whole capsule messed up my stomach so I had to take it with food and I halved the dose.

 

[MDT]

Erectile dysfunction from porn is a real thing. I went through the same problem and fixed it by abstaining from porn for a couple of months. Horny goat weed and Cialis is just a short term solution, to address the problem you need to rewire the way your brain respond to stimulation. Learn how to fap without porn, always use lube so you don't end up with the death grip syndrome, focus on the sensation, eventually the sight of a woman will get you rock hard.

 

[turtledude001]

I've ordered a bottle of horny goat weed to see if that helps in the short term. In addition I plan to (1) reduce fapping but if I do, don't use visual/audio aids (not just porn). At this point, I never fap w/o material since it is so easy to pull something up on my phone, for example. (2) Quit porn since that will likely lead to breaking (1). Though I'll still check out JPH!P/reddit/instagram for Kpop/Jpop/idols/models, unless that starts leading me to break (1). That's the harder thing to quit for me to quit than porn actually.

 

[Ceewan]

Just go to your local convenience store and pick up one of those pills you thought were bulshit that they sell. Apparently they actually work.

GNC sells Extenze Fast Acting (supposedly the highest reccomended) and Vitalast New Vigor.
Walmart sells Libido Max and Zyrexin.


Convenience stores: Virmax 8 Hour and various others you will just have to try for yourself.


You might have to try a few to see which one works best for you. People have different reactions to medications. Since these are classified as "supplements" they are not covered under FDA testing. That means it is safer to go with something that has been around for awhile than something brand new. There are always possible side effects so if a pill doesn't agree with you, stop taking it and try something else.

In the end you could always just go to your doctor and ask him to write you a presscription for Viagra or Cialis. He is your doctor, he won't gossip or think any less of you. The visit is probably covered by your insurance anyway.


Better living through chemistry my friend, it is the modern age.

 

[gd2731]

not jacking off or watching porn would help a lot. ive met people with issues that were so psychological that the meds didnt work. horny goat weed will get you over the initial hump.

 

[Ceewan]

not jacking off or watching porn would help a lot. ive met people with issues that were so psychological that the meds didnt work. horny goat weed will get you over the initial hump.

True that too much masturbation decreases virility but an old trick is to actually masturbate before you go out on a date. Makes you less horny and more relaxed around your date also if you get her in the sack you tend to last longer. It is also true that psychological problems can affect your performance, which is one of the reasons why some men take meds to begin with, meds induce a chemical reaction in your body. Why does horny goat weed work in the first place? chemicals bro. It is an "ingredient" in many over the counter meds because it contains "some" of the chemicals found in prescription male enhancement drugs. You will have better luck if you take it as an additional supplement than as the only one and if you want to go that "supplement" route than at least consider adding some pills to your daily regime like yohimbe, ginko and ginseng. I still think it is easier to find the right meds that include some of all of these by experimenting with what is out there and just taking one pill though because on top of everything else, that suplement route can get expensive.

 

[turtledude001]

I was at Wal-Mart, saw and picked up Extenze. Original, as they didn't have fast acting. There were some alternatives but I don't remember the names. I've taken it for two days and on both days, I've been HUNGRY for food all day. Eating only makes it go away for an hour or so. Shit gives me the munchies and not much else as far as I can tell. Googling I couldn't find other people with the same reaction. I also checked some of the ingredients but didn't find anything for hunger. Stuff like yohimbe may cause stomach upset, but that's not what this is. Can't narrow down which ingredient I'm having this reaction to. Going to stop this one. Don't need weight gain as a new issue! haha Hopefully I have normal hunger tomorrow...

 

[Ceewan]

I was at Wal-Mart, saw and picked up Extenze.

Those contain DHEA, which is a steroid. They also contain yohimbe which may be a contributing factor here. Urologists hate these types of pills and will swear up and down they won't work. They do, so just keep plugging bro. Make sure to double check the directions on some of those as they may say something like effects may take up to thirty days to work (and you have to take one everyday too). Extenze also has some ingredients that I know do help, such as zinc (low zinc levels have been known to contribute to erectile dysfuntion, zinc is also needed to process most vitamins) and yohimbe (I used to get yohimbe alkaloids from GNC....powerful stuff on their own but they work great as a daily supplement unless you are in bad health because they are a little strong), Korean Ginseng (another great natural daily supplement that helps improve blood flow), Stinging Nettle (same benefits as Korean Ginseng supposedly, can find at herbal stores).

You probably want something quicker acting. Still think Viagra and Cialis or even Levitra are the surer bet but if you got the money and the determination a few daily supplements, taken everyday, will give wonderful results too (takes longer to work but for me it really worked wonders....notice the stress on the word "wonder"). One of the guests on Joe Rogans podcasts swears by Rhino 7, if I remember right. These drugs tend to have multiple effects which include increasing blood flow to the lower half of your body (which is a good thing) and general mood elevators (which is why steroids are not uncommon in some brands, especially those found on the internet. Steroids, in low doses, aren't always considered harmful and are mood enhancers).

I think that Joe Rogan Experience epsiode is this one (it is kinda long but his podcasts usually are):

 

[Ceewan]

If you are on twitter, follow this guy:

https://twitter.com/redban

He is really into the whole performance enhancement pills:

 

[turtledude001]

Thanks for the tips so far. I quit Extenze Original and I no longer have the munchies (as much) now. Only have tried Zhou Nutrition Horny Goat Weed with Maca Root for the past 6 days. Not very consistent as I missed two days. No side effects in the short term so far.

Last week when I was trying Extenze and jerking off w/o a/v material, I did notice I don't get fully erect. Enough to get the job done solo, but not as hard as I know I can go. Further evidence that my issues are tied to always jerking off to porn or idols.

I had a date today, but hard to say if I'm getting better with just one data point. I don't have sex very often I didn't take the masturbate before the date advice because my problem is staying hard and not needing to last longer. But I should've taken that advice it turns out. The first three days of not masturbating was easy. On date day, the fourth day, I was horny af. I was so close to masturbating earlier today. Had to go out and chill for a bit to cool down haha During the date I kept getting a hard on just looking at her. Had to turn away at times to calm myself and get a breather. She kept smiling at me, so I'm guessing she noticed my behavior (and boner). Anyway, the sex was the most amazing I've ever felt. BUT I think it was my first time fucking w/o a cover. She preferred no cover and thinking with my dick I went with it. 10 min later when she was having an orgasm, she said to cum in her. In disbelief I asked "you want me to cum in you?", she confirmed. Her orgasm was the most amazing thing I've ever felt and I blew my load in her. The sensation felt so much stronger w/o a condom. Solves my staying hard problem, but I don't know if it is worth the risk. I think its pretty clear this ain't her first no cover rodeo...

Felt so good though. I so want more uncovered sex. I know it is a terrible idea, sitting back thinking about it now, but in the moment... Conflicted about it. Luckily, I don't think most girls would obliged anyway haha

I need a steady gf but damn, I have zero success there with online dating and I don't socialize anywhere any more (miss being a student now). It's only good for finding girls looking to fuck in paradise. Only need to be impressed for a couple hours. I'm a freaking boring guy these days. Work. Video games. Eat. Exercise. Asian porn/idol sites. Masturbate. Repeat. I need a life.

Sorry. I'm blogging my shitty life here. I need my anonymous place vent.

 

[Ceewan]

Sorry. I'm blogging my shitty life here. I need my anonymous place vent.

Cool. Why do you think my posts are spammed around the board? Bro. We all are just trying to "deal with it". Life is a fucking trip.

You actually sound too busy for a GF. One would just complicate your life at this point maybe. Add the Korean Ginseng to your diet, you should find it in pill form but get it from a reputable brand so you are getting the best (I heard some brands substitute other ginseng which is not as good). You got your confidence back, you know those bitches going to be in trouble when they get you in the sack. Word will get around. Bitches talk. So dip the stick from time to time and when you got room in your life to fit a girl you will have suitors. Just my two cents. Your life. Live it as you see fit.

 

[turtledude001]

Time for me to blog again. Whoa, it has been a month since I got laid. And luckily fixed that this week The girl was awesome and I just have to blog about her later in this post.

Thanks, Ceewan for the Rhino pill tip! I didn't find any of those in your pics or mentioned in the podcast, but I tried "Black 3K Plus" that does have an outline of rhino. As the podcast mentioned, I do suspect this thing had Cialis in it as I did experience its side effects I saw online, headache and vision with a reddish tint for a few hours. Headache was most annoying since it woke me up in the middle of the night and I pop an ibuprofen to knock that out and get back to sleep. Long term the goal is still to be able for me to maintain erections naturally, as while it looks like getting a Cialis prescription would work out for me, I don't want the side effects of having to take headache pills regularly (liver, ulcer, etc. issues).

I also failed my porn ban. I ended up binging on JAV and masturbating like 3 times the day before meeting up with the girl. What happened was I took the above pill because it said it lasts for days and I wanted to experience the side effects being meeting up (still had to pop another ibuprofen before meeting up though, but vision was good). The sucker made me horny af too it seems, which led to the JAV.

A side effect of my porn ban is that I've been checking out more Jpop girls and my taste for ladies have shifted to the younger end, teens to early 20's. I'm early 30's so I tend to sleep with late 20's at least these days. In any case, the girl I meet up with this week is a foreign exchange college student, early 20's, as young as I'm willing to go! The largest age between me and a woman I've fucked. She resembles Koharu Suzuki with smaller boobs and narrower eyes. Definitely attractive and made me a fan of Koharu, who starred in two of the JAV in my previously mentioned binge. She's the reason why Koharu caught my eye when browsing torrents. I like her girl-next-door looks so much. She's here till the end of the school term, so I'm going to try to meet up and fuck her as much as possible in the two months or so left. I know I'm going to miss her when she's gone already. I need to not fall in love.

The sex with her was amazing. That rhino pill worked wonders. I was hard for the full duration, even when we were just making out. I think the pill has made me last longer, perhaps too long? I did use a condom and she felt tight and great. Not as awesome as bare, but great enough as I wasn't risking that again, so I don't think that alone explains it. After a lot of foreplay, we both took turns being in control and going at it for like 30 minutes until we were both exhausted and still didn't cum. But this girl... she can take it. I loved it and so did she. Her body was twitching the moment I entered her and she had at least 5 body twitching organisms. I've never seen the likes of that before. Made me feel like a JAV star. The bottleneck now isn't my erection, it's my endurance. There's only so long I can sustain banging away. Luckily she could give herself orgasms as I laid back and relaxed. We didn't lube up, so I was really surprised how wet my fingers got trying to guide my dick back into her when changing positions. She was so wet! BEST SEX I HAD EVER. The only negative was that we both eventually ran out of energy so she finished me off with a blowjob/handjob. She spits, not swallows, but not like I care either way haha I would've preferred to pull out, rip off the condom and blow my load in her face and mouth. Not really sure if she'd be up for that though LOL She wants to continue meeting and I presume fucking, so we'll see. Oh yeah. Again best sex I ever had because I've never pleased a woman THIS MUCH before. I didn't have the most mind-blowing orgasm ever, but the feeling of having pleasing her is so much more important to me.

Going to have to get more and endure these headache dick pills. Worth it short term, but as I said I worry about the side effects of regularly taking headache meds.

I need to hit the gym and work on that endurance. Probably could do better at pacing myself, but with all her moaning, it was clear she wanted hard this time. Maybe do more sensual next time to mix things up.

 

[Devil Jin Kazama]

I dodn't lose my erection when i tried sex,but i can't ejaculate for the life of me to normal porn or to a girl,thanks to porn scalation. Never stopped watching though,because i'm dependent on it to get off.

 

[shinjiIII]

I go on a porn detox every now and then. About a week or so usually does it, then I can get as hard as a rock.

You should also ask yourself if you were actually attracted to the girl or not. Sometimes it's not the equipment, but the girl herself.

 

[hairy_bush]

That was you who fucked my wife, mother-in-law, sister-in-law, wife's friend's roommate's cousin, bridesmaid...... I hope your junk..,,,

Funny story about an ex, when we were dating she told me about a guy at university that fucked all the Japanese female exchange students.....so by default she got plowed by him too..

Back to original problem...I too have had performance problems but that due to my penis reduction surgery...,,

Ermmmm. I mean the surgery on my balls so I could have kids....

Anyway, I use a concoction of V and desensitizing gel....to get u hard and keep u going....being in Japan I rarely have to use condoms

Don't use too much gel or your dick will be too numb to enjoy the banging

Split the pills so u can double your stash

Happy humping

Hmmmm...,a bunch of my students will be going to Hawaii next week...must warn them

 

[jtavarez]

I need to get this off my chest, so bear with me.

I did a casual date with an Asian tourist. A lot of them here in Hawaii. We talked in English since her not-so-good English is leagues better than my Japanese. Kissing led to deep kissing led to a great blowjob. I gave her oral, which she clearly enjoyed. She thank me for it. I was taken aback because I've never been thanked for oral ever so it seemed strange to me. Maybe it was a language barrier thing. Put on a cover and then we go into the penetrative sex. Then things went south. I lost my erection when she was on top after a few minutes. She was a bit awkward being on top and so I wasn't into it. I lasted much longer pounding her doggie style, felt awesome, but after shifting positions a bit, I lost it again. She kindly finished me with her hands and mouth.

I'm frustrated. I don't know what happened. She was hot and I enjoyed her company. I stayed hard in her hand and mouth, but I'm limp in her. WTF. Not that it really matters long term, we don't have a relationship and this is a one shot thing and she'll be back in Japan in days anyway. At least we both had a good time with oral. There's that at least. Nevertheless, I'm bothered by this.

Up until last week, I haven't had sex this year. Been trying the dating to get into a serious relationship and all that. Failed and so I said "fuck it" and hit the casual dating scene. In my case, hot tourists looking for fun. and I'm happy to obliged. So much easier. But my problem of seeking easy fucks and failing at long term is a different issue.

Anyway, as I said, last week I had my first successful casual date. Mixed Japanese/Korean-American tourist from LA. She was direct and asked me, "do you want to fuck me?" I've never been directly asked that before, so damn, that was a turn on to hear that. I successfully fucked her to completion. She even complimented my "strength", which I guess was referring to how hard I was going. But... I did go limp once when we were switching positions, but was that was only a minor speed bump and I recovered from it. However, that was in the back of my mind going into this week's encounter that I think has contributed to some performance anxiety?

My junk clearly works and can stay hard. So it definitely seems to be a psychological thing rather than something to be fixed with Viagra and such. My internet browsing suggests that it could be due to my porn exposure. I mean, as I said, I hadn't had sex in a while and it was just jerking off to JAV for months. The encounter last week was more porn-like with her directness and me fucking her as hard as I could. While this week's encounter was more slow and intimate. Maybe in my fucked up mind that's no longer exciting. I just don't know.

I'd like to hear some thoughts on the matter. If I'm lucky enough to have another sexual encounter any time soon, I'll report what happens as another data point in troubleshooting my problem.

Watching porn tends to desensitize you for the real thing. Guys are very visual and so once in the real situation you can get performance issues due to fantasizing about JAV hotties.

It is not good or bad, it just is what it is. How do I know? Because I have experienced the same thing with Chinese gals I have dated. I have no problem taking care of my self, nor any problem giving them oral to completion, but completing through regular intercourse can be difficult.

 

[Tethtoril]

"My junk clearly works and can stay hard. So it definitely seems to be a psychological thing rather than something to be fixed with Viagra and such."

You've got it all wrong with this statement. Viagra is a great tool to get around that psychological problem. I've been there. I didn't find my first girlfriend sexually attractive enough, because I was used to watch the Japanese idols and do myself with the my best friend, mr. hand. I had lots of problems keeping myself hard with her. I guess there wouldn't have been problem without the Japanese idols, but anyway, when I then was with a Japanese lady, I had a bit of a problem because I was already used to stress about my bloodflow, so to say. She was crazy hot and still I had problems. Wasn't a bit deal because I knew that after a few times I was gonna get it to work. Then I was with two Korean ladies and with both it was a little hard to perform even though they were sexy like hell. After the last one I went to a doctor and got my self some Viagra. Good stuff to get around the psychological problem... and I still use it when I drink too much. With Viagra you can also do your lady 4 times a night. You'll both be tired, but happy and tired. No need to be afraid of Viagra. It doesn't need to be anything else than psychological and it can help you get around that problem. When I was with my first girlfriend, giving up porn helped a lot, so that's of course the easiest way to start trying.