The Bizarre JAV Covers Extravaganza

[intrepid8]

A thread for the weird, the unusual, the hilarious or just generally fucked up covers. This is a love letter to the wonder that is the JAV industry we all enjoy - in all its crazy glory.

Don't want to step on the existing and excellent "Cover photoshopping which went wrong" thread.

Found your own titles with crazy imagery, busted and funny English or insane themes? Would love to see them. Please avoid posting endless scat-themed titles for "shock value". Looking for things a bit more unique.

Here we go!

The girl who eats cockroaches
Of course she does... naked... why wouldn't you? Giant roaches are also cuddly in case you weren't aware.


Coming soon to your favorite streaming platform, "The Asshole Show"!
I think I'm down for this show. Unless it's just old Tucker Carlson reruns.


We're not at Julliard now, Toto
I asked my Japanese girlfriend if we could get naked and fiddle with each other. Something got lost in translation.

 

[intrepid8]

36 Year Old Busty Schoolgirl
She might not be the sharpest pencil in the pencil case. At 36 she's legal, but assuming her mental age this might be ethically dubious...


15 years on the road with Forrest Gump
Left our toddler in a Tennessee Wal-Mart parking lot in 2007. Reunited yesterday in rural Japan.


Silver Powder Anal Daydream
If the whole porn thing doesn't work out, she might have a promising career as a water feature in a botanical garden.

 

[Electromog]

Talk about getting under somebody's skin:


I thought that violin woman you posted looked hot so I'm grabbing that movie.

 

[intrepid8]

I thought that violin woman you posted looked hot so I'm grabbing that movie.

Unintended consequences.

Love me those Rocket transformation titles!

Distinct lack of self-confidence
Why this girl thinks she's so ugly that she needs to fly to a different city to pick up older blind guys at the park is beyond me. Besides, I would help her to work out "how to inn".


Mad science?
I have so many questions. Why is the room sideways? Is he a physicist who unlocked the mysteries of gravity? What is this horizontal asymptote? Are they falling into a black hole? Why is the girl wrapped in plastic? Is she a cardboard cutout?


Forget the "Worst Toilet in Scotland"...
I hate to break this to you honey, but that isn't a giant soup tureen.

 

[intrepid8]

The studio KEU edition. Honestly there's almost too much to choose from. I'm a big fan of some of their titles - the lesbian hair pulling (including using teeth!) and mutual masturbation by foot series especially.

Then there's...

Porn or PSA?
Eat your veggies, kids. Lay off the candy and brush your teeth twice daily! Can these girls get through an airport without setting off metal detectors?


The kink you didn't know you had!
If navel cleaning is good enough for Yui Hatano, it's good enough for me.


Onomatopoeia for the wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!
Words fail me. At least I can make random noises using my mouth instead like "Booooooon!!!"

 

[intrepid8]

World's worst chase sequence?
Pretty sure the title of this one isn't "A Juggalo Helped Me Escape from a Rapey Chimp!"... and I think I'm also hesitant to say that it should be??? I like that it has a chart to show the movies strengths too. It scores highly on WTF, plaid and trees but low on clown makeup and sanity.


Try harder next time, precious!
There should be a spider. Why isn't there a spider? Instead we get budget Shelob here in his aviators.


Speaking of budgets...
Funds for AV actress? Check. Funds for studio, lighting and effects? Check. Funds for tentacles? Fuck. Ummm, we have this bicycle wheel and some phone cords?

 

[intrepid8]

We don't talk about JAV Club
"Why the ear, man?!" "I don't know, I guess I fucked up?"



Do it right or don't do it at all
This title displays the same conspicuously excellent masking technique as you would have found just outside of a Rite Aid in Akron, OH at the height of the pandemic... only this flick has fewer blowjobs.


This needs to be a thing!
As excellent as this documentary might be, I honestly just want the plush dick and balls. Go on, you know you want one.

 

[branbran726]

Is this about weird covers, uncommon kinks, or strange product concepts? Probably all of the above.

Hasumi Claire goes hunting for buried treasure in Colorado:


Sex in the private rooms on a sleeper train:


Jizz shampoo:


The opposite of every 70s porno, where the girl is doing the delivery:


And of course the modern version of that for the gig economy:


This one is a bit meta, since it's a cosplayer of a cosplayer:

(Here's the origin series, one of the best variety segments I've ever watched: Blog Journey ブログ旅 )


Back to porn, I've heard people try to say that cum is nutritious, but cum as skin care?


The only way to golf, in my opinion:


Literally hundreds of people trying to blow their load into Uehara Ai:


Otsuka Hibiki runs an actual marathon... only to get fucked immediately afterward (and a little during):


Wouldn't it be easier if you could just ride in a car (while being fucked):


Or maybe not even a car, just if you could get pushed along...



Really hard to read the news when you're spraying breast milk all over the script:


This has got to be at least 30% historically inaccurate:



I don't understand balloon fetishism, but I thought it was about holding them or playing with them, not...well:



This one is about getting around the bullshit and just admitting that fucking the interviewer is the best way to get a job:

 

[Athrowaway55555]

The studio KEU edition. Honestly there's almost too much to choose from. I'm a big fan of some of their titles - the lesbian hair pulling (including using teeth!) and mutual masturbation by foot series especially.

Then there's...

Porn or PSA?
Eat your veggies, kids. Lay off the candy and brush your teeth twice daily! Can these girls get through an airport without setting off metal detectors?
View attachment 2949169

The kink you didn't know you had!
If navel cleaning is good enough for Yui Hatano, it's good enough for me.
View attachment 2949170

Onomatopoeia for the wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin!
Words fail me. At least I can make random noises using my mouth instead like "Booooooon!!!"
View attachment 2949174

What is the video number for the bellybutton cleaning

 

[Athrowaway55555]

What is the video number for the bellybutton cleaning

Kuf-13046. I found it. Just cant find a link

 

[rice12345]

That cockroach one definitely belongs in the too disturbing to view thread. Who can even watch that after a heavy meal.

 

[BDrake]

Forget the "Worst Toilet in Scotland"...
I hate to break this to you honey, but that isn't a giant soup tureen.
View attachment 2949037

I LOVE this actress. Sad she retired so early but maybe the market was too competitive for her niche

 

[composite]

This thread is fucking hysterical!

 

[rice12345]

I think this belongs here. Any insight on why Japan have these gold dust fetish?

 

[Yogisha]

RMER-020 Fart Gal

 

[pavane]

I think this belongs here. Any insight on why Japan have these gold dust fetish?

Wow! Any idea what JAV this is from?

 

[rice12345]

Wow! Any idea what JAV this is from?

Looks like it's from bug-002 from the series label call Golden Bug. She and Yui Hatano are the only ones that I can remember that have done these.

Theres at least 20 movies https://www.javlibrary.com/en/vl_label.php?l=arcci

I don't know what mindset you need to be in to get off on these. One of those weird Japanese only fetish.

 

[pavane]

Looks like it's from bug-002 from the series label call Golden Bug. She and Yui Hatano are the only ones that I can remember that have done these.

Theres at least 20 movies https://www.javlibrary.com/en/vl_label.php?l=arcci

I don't know what mindset you need to be in to get off on these. One of those weird Japanese only fetish.

Thanks I will have a look

 

[intrepid8]

Women in STEM Edition Bonanza!

Rocket surgery or brain science?
It seems that JAXA is going on an unorthodox recruitment drive.


Wait, is that an isosceles triangle?
Pythagoras would undoubtedly be proud of this geometry major.


She "tanked" her chemistry finals
I heartedly recommend performing the lab experiments not becoming one.

 

[intrepid8]

From the lost in translation files...
Yeah... not sure this is going to win too many friends among women's rights advocacy groups.


Wonder what her handicap is?
Looks like this one graduated from the Tiger Woods golfing academy.


It's a-me, Derpio!
Listen up kids. When your cosplay game is this bad, you'll be looking to sex guides as a 50-year old virgin too.