Uh.. Can't we just be friends?

[Astb]

So... I'm a little dismayed as of late. I was hanging out with a friend of mine and we went to a local restaurant to get food. We got into a friendly conversation with one of the cooks (it's a Japanese grill). My friend and I finished and went outside. We were just sitting on a bench talking when the cook we had been talking with came outside for a smoke break. My friend ended up having to go to a meeting so he left a few minutes before I did.

Since I had found the cook an interesting guy, I started up a conversation with him. Long story short, after about 5 minutes of talking, I realized that the more he talked the more it seemed like he was placing personal ad on Match.com or something. I kept trying to keep the conversation on track (well, the track I thought it should be on) and in the end he was like, "Do you want to give me your number? We should hang out sometime."

So my question is: Why can you not talk to a person and just enjoy a friendly conversation without it turning into someone wanting to ask the other out? I did not flirt in the slightest. I didn't even hint at wanting to date. Maybe I just really don't understand men, but I guess I'm bringing up a question that 'When Harry met Sally' already brought up.

Why can't someone talk to a member of the opposite sex (if they identify as heterosexual) and one member of the conversation not want to date the other?

This isn't just my problem, so speak up people. Why can't men and women just be friends/friendly? :notagain:

 

[Aqua2213]

It's our nature as heterosexual men to keep the species going.
If you were say, a lesbian or not at all attractive to that man then you might have had a chance at a platonic friendship with him.

I might add that if you were super good looking and the cook realized that you were out of his league you might have a chance at friendship but in his underlying current of thought he would always have thoughts of boinking you. Blame god....

Btw...what's your number? Any current pics? erfectplan:

EDIT: Whoa back up! I just went to your profile page and I can see why he hit on you. :exhausted:
Ya know, if you really wanted to be friends with him and start a friendship you could of cut him off at the "pass" :snicker: and told him that you only want to be friends with him and maybe see how things went but like I said, he finds you desirable and that will never change in side him if a friendship did indeed start.

Do you want to be my friend here? Come to my profile and see if you could be a platonic friend with me. I think you'd be safe if you checked my albums and saw whom I am attracted to.
In real life I do have platonic friendships with women and they pretty much know they are safe with me. :virtuous:

 

[scarletsnow]

Because if he doesn't play the numbers game, he'll end up a 40 year old virgin in his mother's basement. It is the price women pay for being exempt from being romantically assertive.

 

[Astb]

It's our nature as heterosexual men to keep the species going.
If you were say, a lesbian or not at all attractive to that man then you might have had a chance at a platonic friendship with him.

I might add that if you were super good looking and the cook realized that you were out of his league you might have a chance at friendship but in his underlying current of thought he would always have thoughts of boinking you. Blame god....

Btw...what's your number? Any current pics? erfectplan:

EDIT: Whoa back up! I just went to your profile page and I can see why he hit on you. :exhausted:
Ya know, if you really wanted to be friends with him and start a friendship you could of cut him off at the "pass" :snicker: and told him that you only want to be friends with him and maybe see how things went but like I said, he finds you desirable and that will never change in side him if a friendship did indeed start.

Do you want to be my friend here? Come to my profile and see if you could be a platonic friend with me. I think you'd be safe if you checked my albums and saw whom I am attracted to.
In real life I do have platonic friendships with women and they pretty much know they are safe with me. :virtuous:

I don't blame people for wanting to procreate or for being attracted to another, but... sometimes it's better to start off nice and slow instead of immediately going in for the kill... Or at least that's how I feel. Oh and women are beautiful, but I'm not a lesbian and I really can't fake being one. And I've only had two lesbians hit on me, so they aren't included in this discussion. [Thank God...]

I guess I'll have to try that. I guess it's asking too much to just have someone want a friendship off the bat, huh? I mean, even if he wanted more and didn't tell me, I'd be fine with that. Ignorance is bliss, even if I might suspect what the truth is anyway.

He's twice my age, so that already puts him in competition with people my own age, like the friend I ate with, so I'm not sure if that puts me further out of his league, but I don't think about people being in or out of my league. I'm not too superficial. I like personality and substance.

Yes, I can be friends with you. Yeah, I don't think I'm young enough to be your type, unfortunately. :dunno: Online it isn't as hard to be 'platonic' friends because you might never truly know what the other person thinks or feels. Again, with the ignorance. Even if it isn't platonic and whoever is talking to you is fapping every time they talk to you, you wouldn't know. :exhausted:

It's a shame because before this I recently found out that a friendship that a male friend and I had agreed was platonic, isn't so platonic for him. Not an emotional thing, but a physical thing, which is just as annoying because I can't just hang, since I have to watch what I do with my body, so I don't unintentionally give him a.... fever. It's just a little frustrating.

Because if he doesn't play the numbers game, he'll end up a 40 year old virgin in his mother's basement. It is the price women pay for being exempt from being romantically assertive.

Valid point. Though as far as romantic assertion goes, that seems to be a matter of preference. I'm not romantically assertive usually, but I have friends who are 24/7.

 

[HarutoAsou]

I have a girl friend whom I'm very happy with but I have no problems with having more friends (given the fact that this month alone 5 are going back to their home, I meet a lot of international students) and I ask them "can I have your number? We can hang out sometime." It doesn't mean in the least that I want to date them, it means I want to hang out with them and see if we get along well enough to be friends. I don't think this guy had any intentions of dating you...just my opinion though.

 

[lowleg26]

Why can't someone talk to a member of the opposite sex (if they identify as heterosexual) and one member of the conversation not want to date the other?

Not to sound dismissive, but I really think you're exaggerating just a little. I mean, does EVERY interaction you have with the opposite sex that amounts to a conversation end with the guy asking for your number? If they do, disregard what I say and maintain your concern (also, there are a lot of crazies out there, so invest in mace. Not the spray kind, either, the spiked variety. Remember to roll for initiative).

The thing with the cook sounds less like a conversation turned sour than a common, run of the mill, pick up attempt. As such, you shouldn't let it color your perception of future interactions with people. :casual:

It's a shame because before this I recently found out that a friendship that a male friend and I had agreed was platonic, isn't so platonic for him. Not an emotional thing, but a physical thing, which is just as annoying because I can't just hang, since I have to watch what I do with my body, so I don't unintentionally give him a.... fever. It's just a little frustrating.

If I had to guess, this is what is actually bothering you and, frankly, your frustration is more than justified. I don't know anyone who hasn't been on both sides of this problem (and neither side is any fun). The only advice I'd be able to offer is that sometimes laying it all on the table can fix the situation before it boils over (assuming it hasn't already).

Also, consider this, interactions would most likely be just as frustrating if everyone's default setting was "they're not into me, I'm not into them". Sometimes its good to think someone cute is into you because THEY MIGHT BE! Just remember, if you get hit with a restraining order, let it go, because man, its gone.

Sorry to get "over analytical" or something, and I hope the situation with your friend doesn't get out of hand. :byebye:

 

[xeffects]

Well you being a girl and him being a man. The guy goes outside for a smoke and you approach him to talk. Come on, you should of known he would react that way, even if you didn't intend too, women don't actually tell us they like this, they may find more indirect ways, so he was probing your intentions to see what path you took.

I know if I was outside enjoying the day and this beautiful girl comes up to me just to talk, of course i'll be attracted to her and of course i'll find it amazing that she actually came over just to talk. I would think something was up......its just the way it is.

The females who are my friend are either family, married to one of my family members, is ugly as hell or fat.

But a beautiful girl, sorry...men melt for a gorgeous pretty face, specially when they think they can wake up to her every morning.

 

[HarutoAsou]

Maybe I'm the only one that thinks otherwise. Of course majority of the girls that approach me and ask for my number are friends of my GF so they know I'm taken and for the most part don't have any alterior motives.

 

[Aqua2213]

But a beautiful girl, sorry...men melt for a gorgeous pretty face, specially when they think they can wake up to her every morning.

The first thing I see when I wake up every morning is my left
hand. It isn't so pretty, but it is loyal and knows I won't go run off with the right hand.
Life can be beautiful and simple if you let it be.

 

[ichi007]

thats what girls keep on saying to me:abandoned2: and thats why my life just evolves around watching porns and hanging out here as an otaku:hero:

 

[Gengar]

and in the end he was like, "Do you want to give me your number? We should hang out sometime."

Wait, wait, wait... Since when asking someone to hang out began to mean wanting to have sex? It could just as well mean "You're a great conversation partner and I would enjoy talking to you again."
Well, I'm half asexual, so that's how I see things. But you're right about one thing: the real world is indeed over-sexualized. :sigh:

 

[Marupinku]

As a male, I find this to be really annoying as well. If I'm talking to a female who I want to be friends with that I just met out somewhere, before she has a chance to get to know me, a lot of times she'll make assumptions I'm hitting on her. While this isn't the case, and if a person talks to me for more than a few minutes it becomes pretty clear, it has resulted in many annoying circumstances.

 

[15226412]

Woah that guy worked fast, u can tell he was interested when i guess he was talkin as if he was "placing personal ad on Match.com"
also, how can ur friend leave u alone by youself.. even if u werent going to the same place as him, u leave together right..

here's something that happened to me thats abit similar,
(my memory's abit blur so i dun fully remember)
i met a girl, we enjoyed nice chat and stuff.. all good, but i didnt ask for her number/contacts, i believe in "if its fate, well meet again" kind of thing.. as luck would hav it, we did meet again and got along very well. THEN i asked for her number and contact... worked out well, she's one of my best friends now..

long story short, 2nd meetin to ask for contacts work XDXD

 

[inu_gurl_05]

Seeing as I'm a lesbian, I can just fit that into the conversation haha... That doesn't always work @__@ I don't find myself attractive at all, so I don't see why... I'm not ugly, but I'm not pretty either.

ANYWAY, a lot of people have issues with this. But, yah, with that pretty face of yours, he was bound to ask for your number.

 

[Ceewan]

There is nothing wrong with finding out where you stand with someone you are attracted to or for someone who is attracted to you to find out where they stand. There might not always be positive repurcussions but you can't expect someone to answer a door if you do not knock on it. I also do not think it very reasonable to believe if someone is attracted to you physically that they won't be emotionally. Many physical attractions are derived from emotional attachments, it is a lot more common than the other way around. That is just the nature of the beast.