Random musings on real-life Japanese girls and women

[indreamsiwalk]

I live in Japan. I have a job that involves spending a lot of time with young Japanese women (no, I'm not an English teacher), but right now I'm on extended sick leave. There are days I never leave the house, but most days I have some reason to go out, and every time I do I see girls and women who make me glad I was born. :full: And I always think, "If only I had a camera built into my eye so I could capture all these women forever." Because no matter what kind of beauty I see, I forget her face within twenty minutes (usually because I see several other attractive women in the interim :evillaugh. The upside is that once in a while I see the same woman again, sometimes months later, and the pleasure of seeing her again is a fresh as the first time. :goodboy:

The frustrating thing is that I have no one to talk with about these little daily pleasures. :silence: My best friend is a (Japanese) lesbian, and we used to talk about this stuff almost everyday. :full: That was fun. But since I got a girlfriend and she moved in, I hardly ever see my buddy, and today she moved to a distant corner of Japan. We had a tearful farewell. :nooo: I love my girlfriend, but she's pretty jealous, and I have discovered that she does not want to hear me saying nice things about any other woman's looks. Period. (But she doesn't mind raving to me about how hot Josh Holloway is. :dunno The only close male friend I have lives in the States. So I have to keep all these thoughts to myself.

So I made this thread. :lols:

Anyone who's interested can read and comment on my daily encounters with the female half of the Japanese population. :bingo:

I have really broad tastes in women. Tall, short, thin, pudgy, plain, chic, cute, beautiful, boyish, feminine... The kinds I don't care for include: women who have forgotten that they are sexual beings and have let themselves turn into frumpy, sexless blobs; girls who dress like whores (I just think about what sad, lonely people they are); and ultrafeminine types who act like bitches when no men are around, but turn into smiling, fawning Barbie dolls when a man appears.

I have a thing for otaku-ish girls who are rather quiet, intelligent, and who dress in a way that is subdued but tasteful. If they wear glasses, that's icing on the cake. :goodboy:

There's one young woman who fits this description, and whom I have been tempted to pounce on. She has a crush on me, and once came this close to telling me directly:

K-san: IDIW sensei...
Me: Yes?
K-san: I...
Me: Yes?
K-san: I...
Me: ...?
K-san: Nevermind. It's nothing.
Me: ! ...Okay...

She has long hair, is tallish and slim, and though she never wears makeup (She probably doesn't know how to!) she has a lovely, intelligent face. :beautiful:

But today I want to talk about the girl at the supermarket register. Well, the girl who used to work the supermarket register. What a doll. She is this same type. I'm sure she's an otaku. And though I always thought she looked very young, I was shocked when I learned (very recently) she was a high-school student. She's petit, thin, but physically almost perfect. Her only "flaws" are her slightly protruding front teeth, which give her a rabbit-like look, and her smallish eyes. But these "flaws" just add to her charm. She has a beautifully sculpted nose and cheekbones, a perfect, small mouth, and lovely slender hands. But the best part is the nape of her neck, what they call unaji in Japanese. I could write a book about her unaji. I'm tempted to give her the Unaji of the Century Award. She has longish hair, which she always has pulled up in a ponytail when she works, offering a wonderful view of the most exquisite nape ever produced by Nature. :beautiful:

Whenever she was working, I would nonchalantly get in her line, even if another register was open. I would always smile and say konnichiwa or konbanwa as I handed her my point card, and she would give me the most adorable smile. A turning point came when I ran into her at the movie theater. (I was with my then-girlfriend, but my girlfriend was in the bathroom and I was waiting in the lobby.) The girl--Let's call her Y-san--was with a girlfriend, and it was the first time I had ever seen her wearing regular street clothes. I of course recognized her, and she recognized me and we smiled and exchanged hellos. (I'm sure that seconds later her girlfriend asked her, "Who was that!?!?") So the next time I saw her at the supermarket, I casually said, "What movie did you go to see the other day?" After that, we would occasionally chat a little as she rang up my groceries. Then I ran into her again near the theater, and again talked with her the next time I saw her at the supermarket. She had gone to see Harry Potter that day, and I had gone to see Ratatouille (with my new girlfriend :evillaugh.

I always bring my own shopping bag to the supermarket, and although customers usually have to bag their own groceries, she always bagged mine for me, even if there was a long line of customers behind me. :full:

But then one day, a few months ago, she quit her job at the supermarket. I had thought maybe she was a college student (she only worked in the evenings), and wondered if she had graduated and left the city. :giveup: But then, a month or so ago, I saw her again! She was riding a bicycle and riding with a girlfriend. When she saw me, she gave me a big smile and nodded, and I smiled and nodded back. In a split second, several things flew through my mind:

1) It's her! She's still around! :relief:
2) Her hair is down! I can't see her beautiful nape, but she's beautiful with her hair down, too! :inlove:
3) She looks so cute in her school uniform! :beautiful:
4) ....
5) School uniform...? :coldsweat:
6) She's still in high school!?!?!?!?!?!? :dies2:
7) :runintears:

Since I had been raving to my lesbian friend about this girl for two years (seriously), I thought, "OMG, I have to tell ____ about this." But I hadn't been spending much time with my lesbian friend, so I never found a chance to tell her.

And now she's moved away to _____!! :abandoned:

If only I had a camera eye, I could show you all pictures of the lovely young Y-san and her award-winning unaji. :sigh:

Next time I'll rave about some other real-life Japanese beauty.

Even if no one wants to read about it. :evillaugh:

 

[spare_line]

Great tale, IDIW. I guess we all have these experiences - or something like that - but it's just a stored memory. I NEARLY got to japan in october. I was in cambodia and thought that japan was just around the corner and I could just pop over there. Not so easy. Nearly as expensive as travelling from the UK - and an awkward trip too. So, it'll have to be a special trip. Maybe tokyo - and all those pretty girls - in the spring if i'm lucky. :goodmood:

 

[indreamsiwalk]

Thanks, spare_line. It's worth the trip just to check out the women and girls. :evillaugh: And who knows, you might get lucky. :bingo:

The girl I raved about in the first post was on the young end of the scale, but my greatest joy in visiting the supermarket (particularly since Y-san no longer works there) is looking at the young housewives.

Japan is the Land of MILF and (Cutie) Honey. :beautiful: I never ceased to be amazed at the abundance of attractive young wives and mothers. Unlike a lot of women and girls you see in Japan, housewives tend to be wearing practical, simple clothes, and they often are wearing little or no makeup. Often they're just wearing a sweatshirt over a blouse and jeans or khaki chinos. And yet they just glow. :love:

The most attractive MILFs tend to range in age from about 26 to late 30s. And the most attractive ones also seem to be the best mothers. The ones who glow talk and laugh with their children, whereas the ones who look sullen often ignore their children or scold them for no good reason. (Obviously, the latter category are just unhappy, and their unhappiness makes them ugly, no matter what kind of face or body Nature has endowed them with.)

One thing that makes these women attractive, I think, is that they are not hiding behind layers of makeup or fancy clothes. You're seeing them as they really are, so you don't have to wonder if they really are as attractive as they appear to be.

Another attraction, I think, is the fact that they belong to another man. I don't know about you, but there's something incredibly tempting about a woman who belongs to another man. erfectplan:

In my own case, I have actually given in to temptation and had affairs with three married mothers--all Japanese. In one case, I was and still am good friends with her husband. :exhausted:

The first one I met very early in my marriage. God, was she beautiful. She was actually ten years older than I, but she looked my age (mid-twenties). I fell head over heels in love her, and actually told my wife I was going to leave her for this other woman. My wife, who is incredibly tenacious and hates to lose at anything, convinced me to come back to her. (This only postponed our inevitable divorce for another decade and a half. :sick The Other Woman--damn, she was beautiful, and sweet, and funny, and stylish--actually ended up divorcing her husband as a direct result of her relationship with me. She's now in her early 50s, and I had a chance to see a recent picture of her. She still doesn't look a day over 40, and, damn, she is still beautiful. :abandoned: What a fool I was to let that one slip away. How different my life might have been. Her daughter must be in college by now.

I suppose it won't hurt to upload that photograph here. You can't really see her face, and she's not someone you could track down on the Internet. But I think you can see why I was attracted to her in the first place. She's wearing a tank-top here. :nosebleed: BTW, she's giving a friend a foot massage in this photo. She's good at giving massages. :moe:

Edit: Image deleted

 

[indreamsiwalk]

Now, the second MILF I "F"-ed (Yeah, I'm just going to keep on rambling till a mod shuts me down :evillaugh was a sort of an accident.

Literally.

I was injured at a school event (my then-wife never went to these things), and this woman--I'll call her N-san--drove me to the hospital. (The injury was no big deal, but it did require me to go the hospital.) It was already around 9 p.m. by the time we got out of the hospital.

I had been friendly with her for a while. She's about the same age as me, but she's a not-so-closeted otaku. So we had some common interests. I had suspected for some time that she was interested in me, so we're talking in the car, and we end up parking near a local river. We get out and started walking to the bank of the river, and she pretty much comes straight out and tells me she's romantically interested in me, and she takes my hand in hers. It's like that--What do they call it?--a "rope bridge" experience. You know, you go through something scary or traumatic together (in this case, my accident and hospital visit), and suddenly there's this powerful attraction between you. I don't know if you can tell by the crappy photo below, but she was seriously cute, and had huge eyes. She was also extremely intelligent (She was a professional woman who had graduated from an elite university) and pretty stylish for an otaku :evillaugh:, so I think, "Eh, what the hell?" :dunno: It wasn't like that first woman, who I was madly in love with. N-san was just an attractive woman who was attracted to me, and we were both in unhappy, sexless marriages.

So the next thing you know, we're in a love hotel. :exhausted: You can just imagine me making excuses for coming home so late that night. "Oh, I was injured and the emergency room was really crowded and we had to go to another hospital that was also crowded blah blah blah." :exhausted:

Iirc, we carried on this rather quiet affair for almost two years. It wasn't all about sex. We used to just sit and talk a lot. But sex was a big part of it. It was such a joy to be with a woman who really enjoyed sex and whose body reacted so...enthusiastically. (As a matter of fact, she would get almost too wet. I don't know about you guys, but a little bit of friction helps me get to where I'm going. Or coming. :shy

But there were two big problems. One, she had a nervous, insecure personality, and she always seemed vaguely worried that she would embarrass herself or I would lose interest in her. I mean, here's this attractive, intelligent, accomplished woman, yet she doesn't have enough confidence to relax with her lover. I'm a very laid-back guy, usually, and very easy to get along with. But her nervousness made me nervous, and it got to be tiring to be around her. If she could have just been more relaxed, we might still be carrying on our affair today. :dunno:

The other big problem was that she was jealous, in a quiet sort of way, and she was terrible at hiding her feelings for me. No matter who was around, it was like there was this powerful beam of pheromones coming straight at me. I hoped that other people wouldn't notice, but much later I found out that it had been pretty obvious to at least one mutual friend (who ended up being the third MILF I "F"-ed :exhausted. I mean, N-san would just look at me in this sultry way as if to say, "I want you right here, right now." It was certainly good for my self esteem to know that an attractive woman felt that way about me, but it also made me nervous as hell. I'm almost certain my wife was suspicious that something was going on. :coldsweat:

Finally, it got to be too tiring, and I gently broke up with her, telling her that I wanted to try to salvage my marriage. That was a basically a lie (I was really just trying to build up the courage to end my marriage), but it was a convenient excuse, and a hard one to argue with. So we parted ways amicably, and though I only see her rarely, we still get along--and she still looks at me with that pheromone-filled gaze! :nosebleed:

Edit: Image deleted

 

[Astb]

Your posts are interesting to read.
I want to visit Japan, but I'm a woman (and not a lesbian) so as attractive as all of these women are... I wouldn't really be interested in them. :XD:

Do Japanese women try to conceal their Unaji or does it matter in society now?
Are you attracted to any other Asian women? I know that Japanese women are attractive, but just curious about your tastes, since you're sharing and all...

And, what about the men? Are there attractive ones around for when I finally am able to visit Japan? :love:

 

[indreamsiwalk]

Your posts are interesting to read.
I want to visit Japan, but I'm a woman (and not a lesbian) so as attractive as all of these women are... I wouldn't really be interested in them. :XD:

Wow! Thanks! Here I've been treating this thread like a diary, yet someone is actually reading it! :shy:

Do Japanese women try to conceal their Unaji or does it matter in society now?

No, women don't try to hide their unaji. Thank goodness. :relief: This may sound dumb, but I can find a change in hairstyle very exciting, not because the new style is "better" but because it's different. I get excited when I see a woman who usually wears her hair up let it down once in a while, and vice versa. But if she did it frequently it would lose its impact. :goodboy:

Are you attracted to any other Asian women? I know that Japanese women are attractive, but just curious about your tastes, since you're sharing and all...

Oh, I'm very particular about my tastes in women. They have to be Asian. Or European. Or African. Or Pacific Islander. Or Aboriginal. Definitely Homo Sapiens. No other primate will do, though I sometimes wonder about bonobos. :virtuous: And preferably a woman should have two X chromosomes, though a really convincing transsexual will do in a pinch. :lols: No, seriously, race or nationality is basically not a factor for me.

One of the most intense crushes I ever had was on a Malaysian woman who was raised in the States. :inlove: I had had my eye on her for a year or so, and I finally got to meet and talk to her at a party. We must have talked for at least two hours. Before going into her current field, she quite seriously wanted to be an astronaut. Is that cool, or what? :moe: In the course of that two hours, I fell madly in love with this woman. But I was married and a new father, so I wasn't going to act on my feelings. (Yes, even I can show restraint sometimes.:evillaugh But I was literally lovesick for days. :sick:

Probably the most beautiful woman (by objective standards) I ever had a romantic interlude with was a fairly dark-skinned African American woman. God, she was beautiful. :trance: Every feature of her face was flawless, as if she had been sculpted. And I can still remember every curve of her body. :nosebleed: She could easily have become a professional model, if she had been about a foot taller. Seriously, she was like 145 cm (4' 9"). :goodboy: The first (or maybe second) day we met, we snuck off at night and went skinny dipping. :inlove: It would have been perfect if it wasn't for those damned mosquitoes! :distressed: That was back in college, and I was involved with another woman, so nothing ever happened after that night. :sigh:

And the love of my life was a blond, European American. Too bad she turned out to be a lesbian. :abandoned:

So, in answer to your question, yes, I am attracted to other Asian women. I've had crushes on Korean, Chinese, Indian, and Latina women, as well as all shades of American women. (Oh, and there was that German woman...and that really cute Finnish woman...and that gorgeous Somalian woman...and that...Well, you get the idea. :evillaugh

And, what about the men? Are there attractive ones around for when I finally am able to visit Japan? :love:

I think so, but I seem to judge guys differently than do heterosexual women. :dunno: I think it's hard for Japanese men, because Japanese women demand things from men that can be mutually exclusive. I think this is because of the way men are idealized in shoujo manga and anime. A guy has to be stylish, but he can't look like he's trying to be stylish, or women will think he's vain ("kiza"). And most Japanese women want a boyfriend who is taller than they are. One of the nicest, most attractive guys I know was not taken seriously by the women around him simply because he's short. Fortunately, he found a very nice, very pretty girlfriend who is shorter than he is. :bingo: But the average height of younger Japanese has grown incredibly in the past 20 years. It's now not uncommon for me to see young guys who are my height (185 cm, 6' 1") or even taller. (I even see Japanese girls who are almost as tall as me. Just yesterday I was admiring an attractive young mother who must have been 180 cm tall...at the supermarket, of course. :secret Getting back to your question, though, while Japanese women complain about Japanese men all the time, non-Japanese women friends who visit or live in Japan say they like looking at all the pretty Japanese boys, so I don't think you'll be disappointed. :bingo:

Thanks again for the response! :goodboy:

 

[Roronoa Zoro]

Dude, I'd be walking a thin line if I said "I hear ya, exact same views and similar thought process" but at some juncture we all have our own likes/ dislikes.

VERY interesting read! I've always wanted to go to Japan, and trust me, when I get on the subway or the train and come across an Asian girl I accidentally or involuntarily have a crush on her and yearn to speak to her. Between 3 train stops and those 13 minutes of travel time I have a crush, and on my way back home it's the same story. Come to think of it, it doesn't matter if she's Asian or not, I fall in love all the freggin time

I've always wanted to be AT LEAST 6 feet tall !!! I'm stuck at a measly 5'11 *shrugs*

How easy or hard is it for Japanese women to accept foreigners? Uhmmm are they friendly or arrogant? Since coming here to the US, I've found most girls/ women a lil arrogant and snobbish >_> *sniff*

 

[indreamsiwalk]

VERY interesting read!

Thanks! :goodboy:

Come to think of it, it doesn't matter if she's Asian or not, I fall in love all the freggin time

I know what you mean. I get micro-crushes every time I leave my apartment. :evillaugh: I'm sure you would agree that there's a whole spectrum of crushes, from micro to mega, and that there is an inverse relationship between intensity and frequency. Mega-crushes are rare and can be devastating, and micro-crushes are common and just add a little spice to life. :full:

I've always wanted to be AT LEAST 6 feet tall !!! I'm stuck at a measly 5'11 *shrugs*

5'11" is plenty tall by Japanese standards. :bingo:

How easy or hard is it for Japanese women to accept foreigners? Uhmmm are they friendly or arrogant? Since coming here to the US, I've found most girls/ women a lil arrogant and snobbish >_> *sniff*

Hmm. It's hard to generalize, but I think it's safe to say that Japanese (both women and men) have a fear of English, and will avoid talking to a foreigner unless they know the person is reasonably fluent in Japanese. This is not xenophobia: it's a genuine fear of using English. They might be interested in you and think you're cute, but they will avoid you because they are not confident in their English. But there are also women who specifically want to practice their English and would like to find a foreign boyfriend. :dunno: Women in the latter category tend to lose interest in me when they discover that I can speak and understand Japanese a lot better than they can speak and understand English. :snicker: Those aren't the kind of women I want to hang out with, anyway.

I'm American, but I've never thought of American women as being generally arrogant or snobbish. Of course, there are arrogant and/or snobbish people anywhere in the world, but if we're just talking in generalizations, I tend to think of American women as friendly and dynamic. If you don't mind my asking, where are you from originally?

 

[Astb]

Getting back to your question, though, while Japanese women complain about Japanese men all the time, non-Japanese women friends who visit or live in Japan say they like looking at all the pretty Japanese boys, so I don't think you'll be disappointed.

YAY!

How easy or hard is it for Japanese women to accept foreigners? Uhmmm are they friendly or arrogant? Since coming here to the US, I've found most girls/ women a lil arrogant and snobbish >_> *sniff*

I can represent the other side of that statement. I'm American (mixed with a whole bunch of stuff, generations back), but everyone -- my friends included -- have told me that they find me intimidating, a bit snobbish looking. (I guess that means I'm single because I'm like Godzilla to men?) To vouch for my kind, not all women are arrogant, some, like me, just -look- arrogant. I'm really a very nice person. :goodboy:

But I've felt the same way on my few trips to Europe, so... I don't know. Maybe it's a mentality pertaining to visitors of a foreign country?

I'm American, but I've never thought of American women as being generally arrogant or snobbish. Of course, there are arrogant and/or snobbish people anywhere in the world, but if we're just talking in generalizations, I tend to think of American women as friendly and dynamic.

Someone who's on my side.... FINALLY.

 

[indreamsiwalk]

I can represent the other side of that statement. I'm American (mixed with a whole bunch of stuff, generations back), but everyone -- my friends included -- have told me that they find me intimidating, a bit snobbish looking. (I guess that means I'm single because I'm like Godzilla to men?) To vouch for my kind, not all women are arrogant, some, like me, just -look- arrogant. I'm really a very nice person. :goodboy:

Su-u-u-u-re you are. :virtuous: (Just joking!)

But I've felt the same way on my few trips to Europe, so... I don't know. Maybe it's a mentality pertaining to visitors of a foreign country?

First impressions can really be misleading, particularly when you are in a foreign country. There are so many different factors that can lead to misunderstandings. Some of my best friends are people who I had a negative first impression of. And some of my best friends (including my lesbian best friend) had a negative first impression of me. A lot of young Japanese people tell that I seemed seemed intimidating...until I opened my mouth to speak. :evillaugh:

The reverse is true, too. Some people who I had a very positive first impression of turned out to be people I can't get along with at all. :dunno:

Someone who's on my side.... FINALLY.

I got your back, Astb! :bingo:

 

[indreamsiwalk]

I was going to write about MILF No. 3, but I just got e-mail from a young woman who's been on my mind lately, so I thought I'd write about her. :goodboy: She's a graduate student. I think. Or maybe she's just an unofficial research assistant for a professor friend of mine. He and I go way back, and we're friendly, but not exactly close. I hadn't seen him for more than ten years, but one day last year he suddenly contacted me out of the blue and invited me to a gathering of his students and former students. Well, I met this woman--K-san--at this gathering. I suppose she's about 24 or 25. Very smart, very pretty, very interesting character. And she seemed to become very interested in me very quickly. :exhausted: For a while, I thought it was just my imagination, or wishful thinking. But the e-mail I got from her tonight makes me think that she really is interested in me. She says she wants to meet with me (alone) and "talk about a lot of different things." :silence: This same group of my friend's former and current students had their semi-annual sleepover "seminar" a couple of months ago, and K-san was really trying to get me to go. My girlfriend said it was fine with her...but I don't think she would say that if she knew about K-san. I was sorely tempted to go to that sleepover, for the same reason I was reluctant to go: I had a strong feeling I would end up in the same futon as K-san.

Why does this kind of thing always seem to happen when I'm in already in a relationship with someone? uzzled:

Oh, wait a minute. I suppose that would be because I'm always in a relationship with someone. :evillaugh: (The interval between breaking up with my last girlfriend and hooking up with my current girlfriend was two weeks. But at least there was an interval, and no overlap! :bingo

You know those cartoons where the protagonist is struggling with temptation, and he has an angel on one shoulder, and a devil on the other? Well, my angel and devil fight over this particular subject--women--all too often. :silence: And the angel usually loses. :frozen:

Obviously, the right thing to do is to tell my girlfriend that K-san wants to meet me and "talk about a lot of different things." And I suppose I should tell her truthfully that I think K-san is interested in me. And then my girlfriend will say she doesn't want me to meet with K-san alone. And then I'll have to make up an excuse to tell K-san because I can't just say, "My girlfriend doesn't want me to meet you alone because I told her I think you're romantically interested me." :defeat:

The alternative, of course, would be to lie to my girlfriend and say I've been invited to dinner by that whole group, and not just K-san. :virtuous: And then regardless of what happens, I'll be wracked with guilt. :nooo:

I don't know what kind of stereotypes people have these days about Japanese women, but one thing I can say with certainty based on my own experience. There is no shortage of Japanese women who are rather cavalier about fidelity. :evillaugh: That's not to say there aren't plenty of women who take fidelity very seriously; just that there are also plenty who don't. I suppose this true is in many places, but since I've lived in Japan most of my adult life, my experiences with non-Japanese women are too limited for me to generalize. I think a lot of women who cheat on their husbands or boyfriends (or become involved with men who have wives or girlfriends) rationalize their behavior. In their minds, they are not being unfaithful. In the past, I have tried to rationalize my own infidelity, but at least I recognized it as infidelity. My (Japanese) ex-wife cheated on me for years, and to this day she refuses to acknowledge it, even though I've got a folder full of e-mails she exchanged with her lover to prove it. She said she wasn't cheating: it was just ren-ai gokko ("make-believe romance"). :lols:

This may have something to do with religious tradition. I think in the West, or at least in America, even atheists have this deep-rooted feeling that infidelity is a "sin." Japanese, even if they are Christian, don't have a deep-rooted concept of "sin." That's not to say they are amoral: it's just that they don't have this idea of an all-seeing God looking over their shoulder all the time and judging their actions. "Sin" is a relative thing here, not an absolute.

Now what am I going to do about K-san. uzzled:

I have a great photo of K-san reading some scholarly book outdoors and wearing a hat that hides her eyes, but I can't figure out how to get it out of my cellphone and into my computer.

Damn, she's cute. :grassdance:

 

[Roronoa Zoro]

How the hell do you land up in such AWESOME situations?!?!! If you don't mind me asking, what do you do? Are you there as a student?

Hehe good news then .. I'm not too short afterall *punches fist in the air and says YOSH*

I'm Indian, and yep I agree with the both of you about first impressions. It's weird, but I guess everyone goes through those first few notions of 'first impressionism' ^_^. Unrelated example - I was out for a metal concert and little did I realize The Pussycat Lounge also had 1 level which was a pure strip club (afterwards I thought D'UH with that name obviously there'd be something different about the place) ... so anyway, I didn't expect there to be a bouncer n such, and he asked for ID. Fresh into the country, I didn't have a state non-drivers ID, so I just showed him a copy of the first page of my passport, visa and my work permit approval notice ... he didn't let me through cos he exclaimed "You're Indian?" and I said "Yep, why?" and he went "You don't look Indian, I thought you'd be like Apu ... all dark like me but you're fair." *he points to himself and he's African American* ... and I'm like o_0 ... didn't know what to say, was a lil taken aback ... but I joked "Errrr maybe it's cos I shaved?" ... and he didn't let me through! I waited for me pal and he said I was part of the band ... that night I was his band's official water-boy! What can I say! Hehe ...

I wouldn't mind some ren-ai gokko ... pass on some women this way : p *evil laugh* :grassdance:

 

[indreamsiwalk]

How the hell do you land up in such AWESOME situations?!?!! If you don't mind me asking, what do you do? Are you there as a student?

No, I haven't been a student in a lo-o-ong time. :exhausted: And my occupation is a classified secret. If I told you, I'd have to kill you. :goodboy:

"Awesome situations"...? Well, I suppose one man's curse is another man's blessing. To be honest, I'm not sure why I end up in these situations. Recently I have come to believe that I unconsciously and instinctively try to seduce women I'm attracted to. I think it's because I have a psychological need to have my attractiveness as a man confirmed. :innocence: Maybe this is because the first girl I ever fell seriously in love with turned out to be a lesbian. :frozen: So, without even realizing I'm doing it, I try to make women like me. Don't get me wrong; it's not my goal to have sex with as many women as possible. I have no interest in just "getting laid." I just really, really like women. :grassdance: Most of my friends are women. I prefer he company of women. I feel more comfortable with women. But I have trouble maintaining a clear boundary between friendship and romance. :...:

This may sound like bragging, but when I was young, I was pretty damned good-looking. :evillaugh: Now I'm 40 and am losing my hair. But I think what I have lost in youthful good looks, I have made up for with experience. Without ever planning to, I've just gotten really good at getting women to like me. :exhausted: The problem, of course, is what to do once I get a woman interested in me. It's actually a pretty serious problem. :silence: Sometimes I wish I could just flip a switch and turn off whatever it is that attracts me to women. It would make life a lot easier. Alternatively, I could try to learn a little self-discipline...but I've never been able to master that one. :death:

Hehe good news then .. I'm not too short afterall *punches fist in the air and says YOSH*

:goodboy:

I'm Indian, and yep I agree with the both of you about first impressions. It's weird, but I guess everyone goes through those first few notions of 'first impressionism' ^_^. Unrelated example - I was out for a metal concert and little did I realize The Pussycat Lounge also had 1 level which was a pure strip club (afterwards I thought D'UH with that name obviously there'd be something different about the place) ... so anyway, I didn't expect there to be a bouncer n such, and he asked for ID. Fresh into the country, I didn't have a state non-drivers ID, so I just showed him a copy of the first page of my passport, visa and my work permit approval notice ... he didn't let me through cos he exclaimed "You're Indian?" and I said "Yep, why?" and he went "You don't look Indian, I thought you'd be like Apu ... all dark like me but you're fair." *he points to himself and he's African American* ... and I'm like o_0 ... didn't know what to say, was a lil taken aback ... but I joked "Errrr maybe it's cos I shaved?" ... and he didn't let me through! I waited for me pal and he said I was part of the band ... that night I was his band's official water-boy! What can I say! Hehe ...

He wouldn't let you in even after he saw your passport? uzzled: Good thing you had a friend in the band.

I wouldn't mind some ren-ai gokko ... pass on some women this way : p *evil laugh* :grassdance:

You're welcome to my ex-wife. :bingo:

 

[Glassjaw]

Dude, you should write a book like tha guy who does 'Double your dating' for the secrets of attracting lot's of women. He says it's more attitude than looks... you could make yourself some money here... maybe you're actually him?
It makes for great reading, though (even if you are a bit of a bastard when it comes to fidelity).
Keep it up!

 

[tekering]

Sounds like indreamsiwalk and I suffer the same common curse -- monogamy.:giveup:
I just stumbled upon this thread by accident, but I'm compelled to share my own recent experiences on the subject of Japanese girls. As a fellow ex-patriate and long-term resident of Japan (10 years this month!), I know all about what kind of constant temptations abound, and what kind of trouble they can get you into here...:whisper:
As a result of moral weakness, selfishness, or just a lack of self-restraint, I now find myself trying to maintain long-term relationships with two adorable Japanese women, both of whom I'm totally in love with. While they both share similar physical traits, they are remarkably different in every other respect (especially since one is more than twice the other's age!), and as a result, they complement each other particularly well... meaning I can no longer foresee myself being content with either woman exclusively, since each features admirable traits the other lacks...:dizzy:
The older woman has the advantage of experience, having been involved with me over nine years altogether, and a deep devotion to me I greatly value. She's emotionally stable, mature, and very open to compromise, which is why we've had such a successful marriage. I love her deeply, and can't imagine life without her.:love:
The younger girl has enthusiasm, style, and personality to spare, and her attraction to me is as great as my attraction to her. Her youth is a tremendous sexual advantage, and what she lacks in emotional maturity, she makes up for in unbridled passion. She's the ideal lover and the ideal girlfriend, and I would deeply resent my marriage if it kept the two of us apart. I love her deeply, and can't imagine life without her.:inlove2:
So here I am, in the middle of an eight-month holding pattern, trying to satisfy both women and ensure no hearts get broken (including my own!). Ultimately, I fear, it's an exercise in futility; both of these women want to bear my children, and neither want to share me with someone else, whether or not they're aware of it. I'm too devoted to either woman to break up with them, and I fear I won't be satisfied with a monogamous relationship even *if* I could choose one or the other.:silence:
It may not be a distinctly Japanese dilemma, but I can't imagine this happening to me back in North America... Probably because I'm not as desirable to other caucasian women as I am to Japanese girls.:sigh:
And I won't even mention all the adorable students I'd love to take home to bed with me...:donotwant:
Life amongst the Japanese -- IDIW, I feel your pain!:wait::grassdance:

 

[Astb]

This may have something to do with religious tradition. I think in the West, or at least in America, even atheists have this deep-rooted feeling that infidelity is a "sin." Japanese, even if they are Christian, don't have a deep-rooted concept of "sin." That's not to say they are amoral: it's just that they don't have this idea of an all-seeing God looking over their shoulder all the time and judging their actions. "Sin" is a relative thing here, not an absolute.

I think people in general just have sometimes unrealistic expectations. We are basically animals trying to make ourselves superior to "true" animals, because we can make fancy gadgets and conceptualize a rigid social structure called society. We aren't really meant for monogamy, as much as we idolize the concept. If we were wild (again), we'd all have multiple partners, perhaps at the same time, perhaps not, but eventually we would. It just usually happens. We're not as successful as birds are at mating for life. Part of it may that we have too many criterion to fill in our lives and we make things so complicated. Birds just have to worry about: food, water, survival and reproduction, basically. Humans, on the other hand, have family, money, occupation, sex, emotional needs, social conventions and everything else to worry about. Romantic relationships aren't as simple we make them seem.

I don't doubt that there is a less extreme concept of the boundaries between infidelity and fidelity over there, but I think another contributing factor is that Westerners are not as honest about true human nature. Humans aren't the most honest of creatures anyway, but we certainly aren't as honest as we think we are. Politics is an excellent example, behind all of those perfect Christian marriages, there's always a tranny in black latex with a whip and a young hot intern on the side. We delude ourselves into thinking that it's actually prudent (and realistic) to expect total fidelity, of body, mind and soul. If infidelity weren't seen as such an unforgivable act then we'd probably be a little happier. Humans do make mistakes after all.

Now, I don't necessarily condone infidelity, but I hardly think it's quite that serious. Then again, I haven't had any real relationships so I don't know if you should be listening to me anyway...

I think it's because I have a psychological need to have my attractiveness as a man confirmed. :innocence: Maybe this is because the first girl I ever fell seriously in love with turned out to be a lesbian. :frozen: So, without even realizing I'm doing it, I try to make women like me. Don't get me wrong; it's not my goal to have sex with as many women as possible. I have no interest in just "getting laid." I just really, really like women. :grassdance: Most of my friends are women. I prefer he company of women. I feel more comfortable with women. But I have trouble maintaining a clear boundary between friendship and romance. :...:

This may sound like bragging, but when I was young, I was pretty damned good-looking. :evillaugh: Now I'm 40 and am losing my hair. But I think what I have lost in youthful good looks, I have made up for with experience. Without ever planning to, I've just gotten really good at getting women to like me. The problem, of course, is what to do once I get a woman interested in me. It's actually a pretty serious problem. Sometimes I wish I could just flip a switch and turn off whatever it is that attracts me to women. It would make life a lot easier.

That could be the reason. You know yourself better than we do. That lesbian thing would be a scarring incident. We, women are very awesome, so I don't blame you. :goodboy: I think validation has to come from within though. If you think you're good looking, then that's all that matters. 40 isn't old anyway, indreamsiwalk. Hair is easy to deal with. I don't doubt you have, and aged wine tastes better. :happy:

A lot of things would be easier if you had an on off switch.

It seems like you and tekering have some similar issues, I guess it just comes down to a decision where you weigh the pros and cons. Like... one woman, vs. two. One woman vs. none... I don't know. I can't really help. I don't know anything about relationships, like I said.

 

[indreamsiwalk]

Dude, you should write a book like tha guy who does 'Double your dating' for the secrets of attracting lot's of women. He says it's more attitude than looks... you could make yourself some money here... maybe you're actually him?
It makes for great reading, though (even if you are a bit of a bastard when it comes to fidelity).
Keep it up!

I actually started writing a web page once, in Japanese, for Japanese men that was basically a "How Not To Be a Jerk" guide. It explained (from my pov, of course), why there is such a gap in expectations between Japanese men and women, and how to close that gap. It was sort of a combination of "Feminism 101" and "Double Your Dating". :secret: But at the time I was writing it, I was still married, and some of the content, if made public, would have complicated my life even further. :exhausted:

Despite all the problems it has caused for me and some of the women I've been involved with, I do think my love life has been pretty interesting. Maybe someday I'll write a memoir, under my real name. :evillaugh:

tekering, I feel your pain, too, but you and I both know that you're eventually going to have to choose. :goodboy: When I was married, I had relationships with other women, but (excepting the first MILF I talked about in an earlier post) I always made it clear to them even before the first kiss that I was married and had no intention (at the time) of getting a divorce. One of the more serious and long-lasting relationships (two and a half years maybe?) eventually blew up, leaving everyone hurt. :...: If your aijin is saying she wants to bear your child, clearly she expects/hopes that you will leave your wife.

Astb, everything you mentioned are things I've thought about (and even researched) seriously for almost 20 years. :exhausted: (BTW, recent studies of DNA paternity have shown that birds, long believed to be the most monogamous animals, are the most notorious polyandrists. Female birds do plenty of fooling around in order to increase their prospects for genetic survival. :goodboy

After uncovering my own wife's ongoing infidelity, I actually proposed a don't-ask-don't-tell policy to her. She said I was crazy. :dunno: I actually didn't give a damn about her affair (which should have been my first big clue that our marriage was hopeless), but her hypocrisy and double standards did bug me. I finally left her after I discovered that a trip she took to Europe was not for the purpose of participating in a conference, as she claimed, but was actually a long-planned rendezvous with her lover.

What's interesting is that while Japanese often cheat on their partners, they also seem to be more jealous than, say, Americans. My own girlfriend's previous boyfriend was so jealous, he would freak out if he found out if he heard a man's voice in the background when talking to her on the phone, even if he could hear women's voices, too. And my girlfriend is pretty jealous herself,as I mentioned in an earlier post.

The big problem is that, while it may be illogical to expect people to be monogamous, homo sapiens are illogical creatures. After years of trying to create open relationships unrestricted by jealousy, I finally gave up. Whether I like it or not, people get jealous. (Even I get jealous sometimes, though I'm pretty good at controlling it, and I am quick to forgive a lover's infidelity.) So I am trying to muddle through, like everyone else I suppose, and just trying to remain faithful to my girlfriend. (We've been together for nine months, and I haven't even come close to cheating on her yet! :bingo

Some things I have found to help me be faithful:

1) Beware of alcohol. :lols: Seriously, so many affairs begin with one too many drinks at a party or some other get-together. I have really cut back on my alcohol consumption, and at parties I never have more than one or two drinks, particularly if there is a dangerous woman present. Same thing with other drugs. A couple of years ago, I was attending a convention in the States. I was at a "room party," and a woman I had met at another convention ten years earlier sat down next to me and handed me a joint. I hadn't smoked marijuana in like 15 years, and I get seriously stoned. Next thing I know, this woman is leading me by the hand to her hotel room.... :silence:

2) Before you start an affair, try to realistically imagine how it could develop. 9 times out of 10, the ending is not a happy one. Keep reminding yourself of that. :bingo: (Along the same lines, try to assess the object of your desire objectively. Things about her/him that seem charming now could become serious obstacles in the future. My wife was totally domineering. I thought that was great when I was 20 and she was 30-something, but when I was 30-something and she was still treating me like I was 20, it was downright infuriating. erhaps

3) Avoid temptations. This is the easiest part, and also the hardest part. Temptations have a way of being, well, tempting. :distressed: My current case of K-san is a clear example. It would be real easy to have dinner with her, say, on a night when my girlfriend will be out of town. And I could easily rationalize it; after all, K-san just said she wants "talk about a lot of things," right? So we'll just talk, right? Wro-o-o-ng. You know yourself better than that, IDIW. The safe thing to do would be to have lunch with K-san on a day when your girlfriend will be expecting you home for dinner. And since you usually do the cooking, that means you'll have to be at the supermarket (where you can admire dozens of lovely MILFs) by 5:30. This is the way to avoid temptation in this case, IDIW. You will avoid the temptations of the beautiful and intelligent K-san, IDIW. Same goes for F-san, who has been asking you to go out for a drink for months. And M-san, who has also suggested going out for dinner at least twice. And A-san, who has been after you for three years. Not to mention...damn, I'm running out letters. :donotwant:

"I must not think bad thoughts. I must not think bad thoughts. I must not think bad thoughts...." :attention:

 

[Roronoa Zoro]

So, basically, follow the last 3 points in order to score :grassdance:

 

[indreamsiwalk]

So, basically, follow the last 3 points in order to score :grassdance:

Are you implying that my three-step plan for fidelity has failed me miserably? :...:

 

[Astb]

Astb, everything you mentioned are things I've thought about (and even researched) seriously for almost 20 years. :exhausted: (BTW, recent studies of DNA paternity have shown that birds, long believed to be the most monogamous animals, are the most notorious polyandrists. Female birds do plenty of fooling around in order to increase their prospects for genetic survival. :goodboy

The big problem is that, while it may be illogical to expect people to be monogamous, homo sapiens are illogical creatures.

Some things I have found to help me be faithful:

1) Beware of alcohol. :lols: Seriously, so many affairs begin with one too many drinks at a party or some other get-together. I have really cut back on my alcohol consumption, and at parties I never have more than one or two drinks, particularly if there is a dangerous woman present. Same thing with other drugs. A couple of years ago, I was attending a convention in the States. I was at a "room party," and a woman I had met at another convention ten years earlier sat down next to me and handed me a joint. I hadn't smoked marijuana in like 15 years, and I get seriously stoned. Next thing I know, this woman is leading me by the hand to her hotel room.... :silence:

2) Before you start an affair, try to realistically imagine how it could develop. 9 times out of 10, the ending is not a happy one. Keep reminding yourself of that. :bingo: (Along the same lines, try to assess the object of your desire objectively. Things about her/him that seem charming now could become serious obstacles in the future. My wife was totally domineering. I thought that was great when I was 20 and she was 30-something, but when I was 30-something and she was still treating me like I was 20, it was downright infuriating. erhaps

3) Avoid temptations. This is the easiest part, and also the hardest part. Temptations have a way of being, well, tempting. :distressed: My current case of K-san is a clear example. It would be real easy to have dinner with her, say, on a night when my girlfriend will be out of town. And I could easily rationalize it; after all, K-san just said she wants "talk about a lot of things," right? So we'll just talk, right? Wro-o-o-ng. You know yourself better than that, IDIW. The safe thing to do would be to have lunch with K-san on a day when your girlfriend will be expecting you home for dinner. And since you usually do the cooking, that means you'll have to be at the supermarket (where you can admire dozens of lovely MILFs) by 5:30. This is the way to avoid temptation in this case, IDIW. You will avoid the temptations of the beautiful and intelligent K-san, IDIW. Same goes for F-san, who has been asking you to go out for a drink for months. And M-san, who has also suggested going out for dinner at least twice. And A-san, who has been after you for three years. Not to mention...damn, I'm running out letters. :donotwant:

"I must not think bad thoughts. I must not think bad thoughts. I must not think bad thoughts...." :attention:

I didn't know that birds were hypocrites. Sinful birds! :nooo: I guess I was primarily thinking about the cranes, who mate for life.

Then again, if survival is an issue, then I don't think that trying to help your species continue is that bad of an excuse for infidelity. :virtuous:

Yes, homo sapiens are very illogical, which is why we hold onto these ideas that are harder to practice than we think.

Steps 1, 2 & 3, seem simple enough (though saying is easier than doing) -- Can you pull it off, IDIW? I'll root for ya. I'm all for a conventional happy ending. :beautiful: [Though drama is more entertaining!... :evillaugh:]