Like other guys here, I am a 23 year old who sucks at romantic relationships. In fact, I have never been in a romantic relationship. It seems like every girl I talk to and get along with, always reveal that they have a boyfriend. It feels almost pointless to talk to girls, because I know they will drop those dreadful words, "my boyfriend" sooner or later.
The problem is that all girls seem to already boyfriends.
- Thread starter I love Jgirls
- Start date
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Where do you meet the girls?
I'd suggest you to go to a bar, club or another place where people go to meet other people (singles).
I'd suggest you to go to a bar, club or another place where people go to meet other people (singles).
that´s life...
by statistics there are more girls than boys so normally everyone has the chance to get one...
by statistics there are more girls than boys so normally everyone has the chance to get one...
Picture this: a guy asks you out. You tell him you already have a boyfriend. He says, "Oh, okay," and walks away. How interested in you was he really? And how committed do you think he would have been to you? If you became a couple but then you got in a car wreck and your face was disfigured, do you think he'd stay by your side? Or would he dump you at the first sight of a cute chick walking down the street?
When a girl lets you know she has a boyfriend, don't take it so hard. "Hey, that's cool," you can say, "but do you still want to get something to eat/drink? I really would like to get to know you better." Show her that your interested in her regardless of her marital/dating status. Boyfriends aren't forever: they're either dumped or they morph into husbands. Don't assume that hers is husband material. You may be the husband material she's been searching for, and she may only too gladly dump her current boyfriend if she feels that you care about her more than just for her looks.
23 years old...oh my.
My piece of advice is,(and it seems you are looking for advice), get laid and don't look for a relationship until you've dipped your stick quite a few times. The last thing you want is a relationship based on sex. It will cloud your judgement I guarantee it. Sex and relationships go together nicely but you have to be able to seperate the two. A relationship should be a friendship where sex becomes a natural progression. If the friendship and compatablility don't exist you have to be able to break it off regardless of how good or available the sex is.
If you go to a bar or a club don't drink alcohol, not because drinking is evil but because if you are on "the hunt" drinking can become a crutch. You don't want to be unable to talk to and hit on girls successfully only if your drunk, bad idea that is. Don't say you are looking for a girlfriend, let them know you are looking to get laid and thats it. The timing on when to reveal this comes with practice but if your dishonest about it you could hurt someone. Be willing to accept failure, not every girl is going to find you attractive or be interested even if they do. Don't give up, girls are looking to get laid, they enjoy sex. Dress nicely, girls dress up when they are on "the hunt", they respect you for going to a little extra trouble to look nice for them. Give yourself time to develop some skills in this area, if you want to be good at something it requires work and effort.
Everybody has issues and I have my share of them but don't just lay down and die, fight for what you want. I can't tell you how to have a successful relationship but I have had my share of them. It isn't something to be rushed into.
Good Luck!
My piece of advice is,(and it seems you are looking for advice), get laid and don't look for a relationship until you've dipped your stick quite a few times. The last thing you want is a relationship based on sex. It will cloud your judgement I guarantee it. Sex and relationships go together nicely but you have to be able to seperate the two. A relationship should be a friendship where sex becomes a natural progression. If the friendship and compatablility don't exist you have to be able to break it off regardless of how good or available the sex is.
If you go to a bar or a club don't drink alcohol, not because drinking is evil but because if you are on "the hunt" drinking can become a crutch. You don't want to be unable to talk to and hit on girls successfully only if your drunk, bad idea that is. Don't say you are looking for a girlfriend, let them know you are looking to get laid and thats it. The timing on when to reveal this comes with practice but if your dishonest about it you could hurt someone. Be willing to accept failure, not every girl is going to find you attractive or be interested even if they do. Don't give up, girls are looking to get laid, they enjoy sex. Dress nicely, girls dress up when they are on "the hunt", they respect you for going to a little extra trouble to look nice for them. Give yourself time to develop some skills in this area, if you want to be good at something it requires work and effort.
Everybody has issues and I have my share of them but don't just lay down and die, fight for what you want. I can't tell you how to have a successful relationship but I have had my share of them. It isn't something to be rushed into.
Good Luck!
..... No No .... Not all girls have boyfriends, but they might have a girlfriend....
... by the way i m single, but absolutly not looking for romantic relationship... (too boring).... need much more spices and exrtem limits (if any...) on a relationship.... But ... (yes there is a but...)
... by the way i m single, but absolutly not looking for romantic relationship... (too boring).... need much more spices and exrtem limits (if any...) on a relationship.... But ... (yes there is a but...)
I totally endorse this advice. I would stress that you should make an attempt to look as good as you can. Exercise, be friendly, and don't be intimidated by their beauty. Women are just human beings, and basically want the same things you do. They don't like/respect guys who are intimidated by them, so act casually.
I wouldn't go to bars, though. Loud guys get all the attention. Try book stores, movie theaters, or other non-romantic places. The women there are a higher quality.
You: Hey, what book you reading?
Girl: Excuse me?
You: Hi, my name's James.
Girl: *ignores you*
You: .......... so ......... wanna fuck?
And that's how you get kicked out of a bookstore.
You know, though, I can relate to the OP's frustrations. I do wish that we lived in a society where we could cut through all the bullshit and just ask the girl right from the start: "I think you're attractive, I would like to know more about you solely on the basis of your good looks, and oh yeah I really want to fuck. You game?" Reminds me of this classic scene I once saw in a story. (See attached picture.)
No girl wants to feel she is a piece of meat at a supermarket that any guy can choose and take to the register. This doesn't mean that a woman doesn't want to be desired, they do, they all do. But just like men they want to feel special. So you can come up to a girl in a bookstore and ask her if she wants to fuck...just not in those words. This is where style and finesse comes into play. I am not claiming to be an expert on the matter, I can't pick up just any girl and have sex with her. But I can pick up women and have. I went through my "player" phase and enjoyed it. The reason I suggest bars and clubs is they are "happy hunting grounds" for both sexes. For some it can take awhile to get a feel for telling if a woman is interested in them or a waste of time and effort. It is a game men and women have played for centuries, in one form or another. Some have a natural talent for this game but like any other game you may play in life, practice and perserverance has its' rewards.
What you should not say: "your face is as imposing as the mountains, I like it..."
She could say: "oh, really?"
and you could reply: "yeah, a lot of valleys and deep wrinkles..."
The fist in your face you´ll receive is an earned one...
She could say: "oh, really?"
and you could reply: "yeah, a lot of valleys and deep wrinkles..."
The fist in your face you´ll receive is an earned one...
Exactly the same as I love Jgirls, but I'm already 27...
Hey I love Jgirls, I'm even failure than you, great:defeat:
Do we must go to bar, club, place like that...? :dunno: *sigh*
Hey I love Jgirls, I'm even failure than you, great:defeat:
Do we must go to bar, club, place like that...? :dunno: *sigh*
Personally I don't recommend a bar to meet the girl of your dreams. That's not to say that you can't meet nice girls there but they tend to not be on the look out for Mr right. Also as Sakunyuusha stated it's nothing personal against you and the fact that she has a boyfriend doesn't mean it could change. When they say my husband I'd say no further but a boyfriend. You should still get to know her better. who knows what could happen.
desioner
desioner
Thanks for the advice. I am not someone who enjoys bars and clubs. They are noisey, crowded, and full of morons. Unfortenately, I also feel creepy going up to a random girl in a bookstore and striking up a conversation. I suck at bullshit conversations such as "how is the weather?" and other crap.
Why is this stuff so hard for me?
Why is this stuff so hard for me?
Possible alternative solutions are really not reccomended but I suppose they are out there. It isn't just about meeting the "right" woman, it is about finding women who are looking for interaction in the first place. Learning how to break the ice and find out who is interested in you and who is not and what to do about it. It is about developing dating skills.
My guess is you don't have a sister or if you do you two are not close or at that the very least there is a huge age difference. I could be wrong on that but I don't think so. That would help explain why interaction is difficult, you just haven't had much experience. No shame in that. Don't expect so much from yourself, social interaction is an acquired skill. Give yourself a break and try not to get too frustrated.
There are online dating services, speed dating, and blind dates. I never tried the first two options myself but I do have some interesting blind date stories.
Everyone is made up of the same flesh and blood as you are. DO NOT put them on a pedestal! Women aren't goddesses to be worshipped or feared. They are human beings with desires and needs. They are imperfect creatures full of individual character defects to the last one.
You are as capable as anyone else. You don't have to be handsome or even all that charming,(I am constantly amazed at what females find charming), but you do have to make an effort,(probably even several efforts).
That is all I can think to add to this subject. Good luck to you.
My guess is you don't have a sister or if you do you two are not close or at that the very least there is a huge age difference. I could be wrong on that but I don't think so. That would help explain why interaction is difficult, you just haven't had much experience. No shame in that. Don't expect so much from yourself, social interaction is an acquired skill. Give yourself a break and try not to get too frustrated.
There are online dating services, speed dating, and blind dates. I never tried the first two options myself but I do have some interesting blind date stories.
Everyone is made up of the same flesh and blood as you are. DO NOT put them on a pedestal! Women aren't goddesses to be worshipped or feared. They are human beings with desires and needs. They are imperfect creatures full of individual character defects to the last one.
You are as capable as anyone else. You don't have to be handsome or even all that charming,(I am constantly amazed at what females find charming), but you do have to make an effort,(probably even several efforts).
That is all I can think to add to this subject. Good luck to you.
We don't know you, but factors for you to consider and for you share with us (if you're willing) so we can better tailor our advice to meet your needs include ... such things as this insanely long list. Click the button to view the list. ^^; [hide]
The list is already pretty damn long. I'll quit imagining questions here for now.[/hide]
- What do you expect to get from a relationship with a woman?
- You and a woman are all alone on a desert island. Assume no chance for rescue. Assume no chance for new arrivals. And assume a high chance for long-term (i.e. decades' worth of) survival on the island. Which would you choose between these two options? (You must pick one! Be honest with yourself! You needn't post the answer to this one publically, though if you're willing to it could help.)
1- a sexless friendship. Not only no sex, but no kissing or fondling either. Hugging along the waist is allowed, as is leaning on one another's shoulders or laying across one another's laps. No direct or indirect attempts to rub against her boobs or her butt, though. You are allowed to masturbate by yourself, but you are not allowed to masturbate while she is around (and vice versa). You cannot assist one another in masturbating.
2- hot sex for up to two hours a day every day but for the other 22 hours she avoids all contact with you and doesn't hide the fact that she dislikes you and only sees you as cock for her pussy. No conversations. No cooking together. No hunting together. Nothing. If you didn't know better, you'd think she couldn't care less if you died tomorrow. And no, she's not being tsundere: she really, really dislikes you and sees you as a walking, talking penis to be taken advantage of for 2 hours of her day.
- Do you believe in love?
- Have you ever had a girlfriend before?
- Have you ever actually asked a girl out before? As in, has a girl ever actually told you, "Thanks, but no thanks," or "Thanks, and yes, gladly!" ? Or have you only ever come close to doing it when you found out she was already taken?
- You are deeply in love with a girl named Mika. You learn one day that Mika is not happy with your (pl.) relationship and is interested in Michael, a guy you go to school with. Assume that she has gone on no dates with Michael, has never kissed him or had sex with him, etc. Which would you do? (Pick the one which best describes your course of action.)
1 - try to change Mika's mind
2 - try to become Mika's ideal man
3 - let Mika go. Her happiness is your happiness.
- You have a crush on a girl named Mika. You ask her out only to learn that she has been dating Michael, a guy in your class, for the last two months. What do you do? (Choose the option which best describes your course of action.)
1 - give up on Mika. She's taken.
2 - wait patiently for Mika to break up with Michael while doing nothing else.
3 - sabotage Mika's relationship with Michael. Ha ha! Eat that, Michael!
4 - support Mika's relationship with Michael. Her happiness is your happiness.
5 - try to befriend Mika. (If you pick this option, you have the option to include 1, 3, or 4 as well.)
6 - compete with Michael for Mika's heart. (If you pick this option, you can choose to also include either 3 or 4.)
7 - Other. (Explain.)
- How much are you willing to change for a woman?
- How much do you think a man should be willing to change for a woman?
- How much would you expect her to change to accommodate for you?
- How much do you think a woman should be willing to change for a man?
- Name up to three of your biggest fears about having sex with a stranger.
- Name up to three of your biggest fears about having sex with a long-time partner for the very first time.
- Name up to three hobbies or recreational activities which you envision doing together with your girlfriend and/or future wife. This includes things like tabletop RPGs, walks on the beach, watching TV together, talking, or building physical contraptions together. Anything goes, just so long as it's not work, not a household chore, and not sex.
- Name three to five of your pet peeves in women's looks.
- Name three to five of your pet peeves in women's personalities.
- What is the longest you have been in a relationship? How long ago was this? How did the relationship begin? How did it end? (Be as general or specific as you like. Feel free to not disclose embarrassing information, but do not lie either.)
- Your beautiful wife gets into a car accident and her face is horribly disfigured. What do you think you would do? Would you stay by her side until one or the other of you died of natural causes (assuming no other causes for marital separation)?
- Your beautiful wife gets into a car accident and pieces of metal lodged in her brain change her personality so that she is no longer the same woman you married. Assume that her looks and her desire to have sex with you are unchanged. What would you do?
The list is already pretty damn long. I'll quit imagining questions here for now.[/hide]
I'm surprised that I enjoyed reading the list, Sakunyuusha...
Just really, really got no idea how to start for a girl...
Just feel not right with bar, club, place like that...
I'm so feeling like a "coward" in such matters...
Always thinking that I will be more attractive if I'm a bit more well-looking, or more intelligent, or more humorous, things like that...
But I just feel like I lack all of them...
Can I have some comments?
Anyway, sorry if I'd said something wrong... Just wanna release out a bit my grudge accumulated within me since 27 years ago. LOL~
Just really, really got no idea how to start for a girl...
Just feel not right with bar, club, place like that...
I'm so feeling like a "coward" in such matters...
Always thinking that I will be more attractive if I'm a bit more well-looking, or more intelligent, or more humorous, things like that...
But I just feel like I lack all of them...
Can I have some comments?
Anyway, sorry if I'd said something wrong... Just wanna release out a bit my grudge accumulated within me since 27 years ago. LOL~
If you don't like clubs, bars and so on, you could try to meet girls through a non-romanic/relationship date. For example you can try finding some girl on the net who is interested in soccer. Then if you get along well, try ask her out to watch a soccer game or something. If you both likes starwars, go to a starwars convention etc.
Even if its just for friendship, you'll get more comfortable with talking and being with girls. Also it can envolve into a romantic relationship. I've met alot of girls this way.
I don't know what you look like but everyone can look their best. Buy some new clothes. Look on the internet for some nice clothes or style that you like and buy similar ones. Get a haircut that you can fix everytime you go out. Shower and use deodorant. Brush your teeth etc.
You can't change your looks but you can change your appearence. You just have to look fresh and nice, it's not necessary to look like a model.
And like Ceewan wrote, don't put girls (or people in general) on a pedistal. They are just regular people not some kind of super people. It's not to talk with people. I mean, if someone looks at you and say "its nice weather today huh?", do you think that person is a freak or a total asshole?
It's not like you're going to date the queen of england...
Finding a girl in net? Always wonder if this works or not...:attention:
A bit worried if I'm going to be get fooled by girls in net:XD:
Phew~ How I wish I can be as confident as you:defeat:
Seriously, though, what do you have to lose?
If you don't ask her -- you don't get her.
If you ask her and she rejects you -- you don't get her.
If you ask her and she accepts you -- you get her.
Sure, when you ask you could always get rejected. But if you don't ask, you will always lose. And all that "the pain of being rejected" stuff is nonsense that people came up with long ago to try and comfort themselves. Because human beings are really much more intelligent than they'd need to be to believe that argument. Human beings are too smart, and smart enough to recognize that being all alone in the world is in itself a form of rejection. "I am alone. Therefore, nobody sought me out. Therefore, I've been passively rejected." It's not active rejection, but passive rejection is still rejection. And people feel like shit because of it.
This really boils down to what matters more to you: a lifetime of happiness with a life-partner or 30 minutes' worth of embarrassment.
If you don't ask her -- you don't get her.
If you ask her and she rejects you -- you don't get her.
If you ask her and she accepts you -- you get her.
Sure, when you ask you could always get rejected. But if you don't ask, you will always lose. And all that "the pain of being rejected" stuff is nonsense that people came up with long ago to try and comfort themselves. Because human beings are really much more intelligent than they'd need to be to believe that argument. Human beings are too smart, and smart enough to recognize that being all alone in the world is in itself a form of rejection. "I am alone. Therefore, nobody sought me out. Therefore, I've been passively rejected." It's not active rejection, but passive rejection is still rejection. And people feel like shit because of it.
This really boils down to what matters more to you: a lifetime of happiness with a life-partner or 30 minutes' worth of embarrassment.