FACADE STAGEPLAY
Tue Feb 19 22 45 25 2013
(RiderFan knocks on the front door.)
(RiderFan knocks on the front door.)
TRIP
Where are the new wine glasses?
GRACE
What for?
TRIP
That should be obvious!
(RiderFan knocks on the front door.)
(RiderFan knocks on the front door.)
GRACE
Oh God, Trip, don't turn this -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Oh, he's here!
GRACE
What?! You said he's coming an hour from now!
TRIP
No, he's right on time!
GRACE
Trip...!
(Trip opens the front door.)
RiderFan
Hello!
(RiderFan hugs trip.)
TRIP
RiderFan!!
TRIP
Hey! God it's been so long since we've seen you! How are you doing? -- (interrupted)
TRIP
Ha ha, hi!
TRIP
Wow, it's so great to see you after so long.
TRIP
Well come on in!
GRACE
No, no, here we are!
(RiderFan hugs grace.)
GRACE
RiderFan,
GRACE
Hi! How are you? Oh god it's been such a long time!
RiderFan
You look well.
GRACE
Uh...
GRACE
So, come in, make yourself at home...
RiderFan
Thank you.
GRACE
Oh, ha ha ha!
GRACE
And I have to say, you look great.
TRIP
Heh heh, RiderFan, seeing you brings back good memories, you know?
(RiderFan sits on the couch.)
(Trip closes the front door.)
(RiderFan gets up from the couch.)
GRACE
Yes, it does. H-mmm (happy smile sound)
RiderFan
Drinks?
TRIP
Oh, yeah, I'm gonna fix us some drinks in a sec!
(RiderFan picks up a martini glass 3.)
TRIP
Yeah, hang on, ooh, I'm going to make you one of my fabulous drinks in just a minute!
GRACE
Uhh, RiderFan, try not to encourage him.
RiderFan
I love the decorations.
GRACE
Oh... huh... thanks...
TRIP
Well that's a nice thing to say. It's nice to hear, hmm, Grace?
GRACE
(clears throat)
TRIP
So, yeah, I just realized!
(RiderFan puts down a martini glass 3.)
TRIP
Oh... you know our wedding picture is the first thing everyone notices when they enter the room.
GRACE
Well, geez, how could they miss it?
TRIP
Well, yeah...
GRACE
You know I don't think it really goes with this room anymore.
TRIP
Oh yeah, let me tell you about work. I just brought in a new account - print ads for a line of bridal fashion.
GRACE
I think you forgot to mention that I'm the lead designer on this project.
TRIP
Very big.
TRIP
Oh it's a great, uh, creative opportunity for Grace. Yeah.
RiderFan
That is wonderful, Grace.
GRACE
Oh, that's --
TRIP
Wow Grace you sure are getting your share of praise tonight!
RiderFan
The work must difficult.
TRIP
So, ten years ago... that's when you introduced us, right?
RiderFan
Yes, it is when I introduced you.
TRIP
Ha ha! So we really want to thank you for years and years of...
RiderFan
Of?
TRIP
Uh -- I - I mean, uh, it's, uh -- it's great you could be here tonight.
RiderFan
Thank you.
TRIP
uh...
RiderFan
This painting.
RiderFan
Did Grace paint it?
TRIP
So! Drinks!
TRIP
What would you like?
RiderFan
Mineral Water.
TRIP
How about something fun,
TRIP
like sangria?
RiderFan
Vodka.
RiderFan
Sangria.
TRIP
You know what why I don't I just open a bottle of merlot and make it easy.
TRIP
Oh, yeah, you know, I think I'll fix you a real drink in not too long...
RiderFan
How is painting.
GRACE
So anyway,
GRACE
Oh, yeah, that new painting, I just put it up this week... It's...
TRIP
Well, I don't know what the hell it is, so it must be good! Heh heh heh!
RiderFan
The painting is nice.
RiderFan
Post-modern?
TRIP
Jesus...! Look I'm going to leave you two alone to keep praising each other. Excuse me.
GRACE
What? Where are you going?
TRIP
No, no, don't let me interrupt. I'm just going to the kitchen.
RiderFan
I am thirsty.
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
RiderFan
Grace, how are you.
GRACE
Um, Trip, if -- if it's at all convenient, could you --
GRACE
could you turn on the mini biscotti oven for me? Just... Just set it to bella toasta.
GRACE
Could you do that for me?
RiderFan
Mini biscotti?
GRACE
Uhh, God, why does every conversation I have these days turn into a series of pathetic miscommunications...
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
RiderFan
Shall we sit?
(RiderFan sits on the couch.)
GRACE
It's not like this kind of thing... happens... ha...
RiderFan
Do not worry.
(RiderFan gets up from the couch.)
GRACE
It's not like we're pretending everything's fine, or anything... in a way, things are perfectly fine...
TRIP
Grace!
GRACE
Yes, Trip?
TRIP
Grace!!
GRACE
Yes, what?
RiderFan
Help him.
GRACE
Wait, RiderFan, where -- where are you going?
RiderFan
I am going to help.
GRACE
Um... well... uh....
RiderFan
The painting.
GRACE
Tr -- duh Trip, dear, did you start the mini biscotti?
GRACE
RiderFan,
GRACE
what I really just need right now... is for you to just be my friend...
(RiderFan comforts grace.)
TRIP
Uhh, God! What the hell has been going on in here?
TRIP
Heh... should I just go back to the kitchen?
GRACE
No, Trip, no, everything's fine, our friend is just teasing...
TRIP
Alright...
RiderFan
Trip, Barcelona?
TRIP
RiderFan, Jesus, if I wanted to talk about work so much tonight, I'd have invited you to our team meeting Monday morning! (frustrated sigh)
RiderFan
I apologize.
GRACE
Yeah...
GRACE
You know, ever since we got married, I can't help it, I'm forever buying new furniture and redecorating,
TRIP
Yeah, it's in your blood, you grew up with this stuff.
GRACE
I -- I really enjoy it --
RiderFan
Save money.
GRACE
So I normally like redecorating...
GRACE
RiderFan, now be honest with me, agree that this room just does not work!
RiderFan
This room does not work.
TRIP
Yeah,
RiderFan
The painting is wrong.
(RiderFan sits on the couch.)
(RiderFan gets up from the couch.)
TRIP
See, try to understand, even after a full day's work designing magazine ads, Grace somehow finds the time to decorate and and and and redecorate --
GRACE
I could never do this, but sometimes I want to start fresh and paint free form all over the walls with a big messy brush...
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
RiderFan
Why
GRACE
Mmm...
GRACE
So, about my decorating...
GRACE
All day at work I design ads for stylish objects, like these paintings,
GRACE
and then I think, I want to design them into my apartment --
TRIP
Yeah Grace was the highest bidder at an auction for this!
RiderFan
Why do you mix work and home
GRACE
Argh, I don't want to talk about my apartment anymore! (frustrated sigh)
RiderFan
Your style is missing.
TRIP
No, no no no no no, you've got to understand, Grace loves expensive furniture, she was totally spoiled growing up,
TRIP
you should see the inside of her parents house.
RiderFan
Let's not talk about parents
GRACE
(little sigh) So I just had to have these paintings...
RiderFan
Why?
GRACE
Uh, well, it looks a bit unattractive, doesn't it?
RiderFan
Yes.
GRACE
Yeah.
GRACE
I'm sure I can return most of this, and try to start over again on this room...
RiderFan
Paint it yourself.
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
RiderFan
Biscotti?
TRIP
Uhh, let's not talk about the damn decorating anymore...
(RiderFan picks up a martini glass 3.)
(RiderFan puts down a martini glass 3.)
(RiderFan sits on the couch.)
(RiderFan picks up a martini glass 3.)
GRACE
(happy but tense sigh)
GRACE
Ugh, I'm getting so tired of looking at this god awful armoire.
(RiderFan gets up from the couch.)
GRACE
Maybe if I replaced it with... um...
(RiderFan puts down a martini glass 3.)
TRIP
Do you... do you remember, Grace...
GRACE
What.
TRIP
How I proposed to you.
GRACE
Oh, God, Trip --
TRIP
Here, RiderFan, I'll show you.
TRIP
It was at Grace's parents' house, Christmas, senior year of college --
GRACE
Trip, what are you doing?!
TRIP
I got on one knee, in front of everybody, and --
GRACE
Stop it, Trip!
TRIP
I pulled out a diamond ring --
GRACE
Trip!
TRIP
And I said, Grace, will you marry me?
TRIP
Heh, is -- is that romantic or what?!
RiderFan
Yes it is.
TRIP
RiderFan, yes? Very romantic?
RiderFan
Yes
GRACE
Oh, God, RiderFan, you think this is romantic? (frustrated sigh)
TRIP
Grace, our friend agrees, what could be more romantic than that?
RiderFan
This apartment is not romantic.
GRACE
Okay, sure. Romantic. Yeah. Diamond ring, one on knee, the whole bit. Yeah.
TRIP
Grace, I -- I just wanted to share that moment with our friend.
GRACE
Great.
(RiderFan comforts trip.)
TRIP
Oh, uh, heh, you're hugging me...
GRACE
RiderFan, careful, too much affection can go to Trip's head...
RiderFan
Hahaha
GRACE
Uhh, it's a beautiful picture of the Italian countryside, of course she'll like it!
TRIP
Oh, RiderFan, I thought you might like this photo I just put up from our recent trip to Italy.
RiderFan
I don't like it.
GRACE
Trip, that was just a well-intentioned little poke in the ribs between friends, that's all.
TRIP
What...? RiderFan,
RiderFan
The painting belongs over here.
(RiderFan picks up the advice ball.)
(The advice ball reads, "Could Be")
(RiderFan shakes the advice ball.)
TRIP
RiderFan, Come take look at this!
(RiderFan puts down the advice ball.)
GRACE
By the way, anybody, join me on the couch if you like.
(RiderFan points to the italy picture.)
(RiderFan points to the italy picture.)
(RiderFan points to the italy picture.)
(RiderFan picks up the white wine bottle.)
(RiderFan puts down the white wine bottle.)
(RiderFan picks up the red wine bottle.)
(RiderFan puts down the red wine bottle.)
(RiderFan picks up the advice ball.)
(RiderFan puts down the advice ball.)
TRIP
Um... uhh, Now, RiderFan, in one word, what does this picture say to you?
GRACE
Say to you... say to you... yes, good question, good question.
RiderFan
Excess.
TRIP
Mmm... no...
GRACE
Wait, what's wrong with that? That's a perfectly fine answer!
TRIP
(little sigh) No just take a look, this says...
RiderFan
Loneliness.
TRIP
Romance! No it says... romance...!
GRACE
Romance? Ha, in our marriage, that's just a code word for manipulation.
TRIP
Grace, it'd been such a long time since we'd... had a chance to --
GRACE
You planned that trip without even asking me if I wanted to go!
GRACE
RiderFan, that's not the first time he's done that!
TRIP
(annoyed sigh)
GRACE
And you knew I planned to attend my friend's art show that weekend!
RiderFan
It is in the past.
GRACE
Oh, God, please, no more talk about Italy tonight... (frustrated sigh)
(RiderFan sits on the couch.)
RiderFan
Art show?
TRIP
Uhh, you're driving me insane!
(RiderFan gets up from the couch.)
GRACE
Huh? What are you saying to me?
TRIP
You're always choosing other things, you never choose me!
TRIP
Always choosing other things over me.
GRACE
(impatient sigh) RiderFan, I...
GRACE
(frustrated sigh)
TRIP
Uh huh, you...
TRIP
I can guess what you're about to say...
TRIP
How you keep talking about the goddamn wedding picture.
GRACE
Uhh... this goddamn apartment...
GRACE
Trip, you always seem to think I am so fulfilled by decorating or something... it's just furniture!
TRIP
Oh, god...!
GRACE
This apartment is not my life! It's just furniture!
TRIP
Goddamn criticisms...
GRACE
Oh, sure, yeah!
TRIP
You never listen to me! You don't believe anything I say! You just don't listen.
TRIP
Okay, you know what, RiderFan,
TRIP
I need to ask you something.
GRACE
Trip --
TRIP
Grace, let me ask our guest a question.
TRIP
RiderFan, yes or no...
TRIP
If one person in a marriage gives the other advice, and that advice is taken -- years later, can you get blamed for that?
GRACE
What?
RiderFan
Yes.
TRIP
What...?!
TRIP
Oh, yeah, that's fine... that's fine...
RiderFan
You make your own decisions.
TRIP
Uhh, I keep trying to help you Grace, but you reject me, you cut me off, you cut me out of your life, goddammit!
GRACE
Oh, don't even...!
GRACE
Uhh! Yeah, good, go away!
GRACE
I can't take you anymore!
GRACE
Oh, God!!
RiderFan
Why
GRACE
What? What are you saying?
TRIP
Grace, are you talking about me?
RiderFan
Why are you depressed
GRACE
I wasn't talking about you!
GRACE
RiderFan, I can't believe you have to see this...
RiderFan
You are both acting like children.
GRACE
RiderFan, in -- in what you said before, about marriage... I think that tells us something about Trip.
TRIP
Oh, we're talking about me again, are we?
GRACE
What?
TRIP
RiderFan, look around this apartment. It's got everything anyone would ever want. But, Grace, oh no, she's never satisfied.
GRACE
Trip, ... ugh ... I'm so sick of this.
TRIP
Well, heh, I -- I mean, we -- heh -- we -- we've got everything...
GRACE
Trip, you just don't... uhh.
RiderFan
You do not need everything.
TRIP
RiderFan, give me some advice here...!
TRIP
No we need -- we need to talk about us both, not just one.
GRACE
I think Trip's afraid of visiting his parents. He does everything he can to avoid seeing them.
TRIP
Afraid of my parents?! My parents are idiots.
GRACE
No, it's true...
GRACE
Let's keep the focus on us, our relationship.
TRIP
You know what makes me so angry?
GRACE
What?
TRIP
How you've so conveniently forgotten how much you used to actually hate painting!
GRACE
RiderFan, I -- I -- uhh...!
(RiderFan sits on the couch.)
TRIP
Grace, even though you're now a creative director at work, and even though you redecorate the apartment all the time, the truth is... you're not an artist.
GRACE
Uhh...!
TRIP
I'm sorry, you're not.
GRACE
RiderFan, uhh...
(RiderFan gets up from the couch.)
GRACE
RiderFan, you see, this is what I've had to put up with, for ten goddamn years.
RiderFan
You have done well so far.
TRIP
Look, let's talk about Grace now.
TRIP
RiderFan, you think this is all my fault, don't you?
RiderFan
No.
GRACE
See, -- (interrupted)
GRACE
No?
TRIP
Thank you, saying that might just help her understand! Anyhow, it's true -- if you really wanted to paint art, which I don't think you do, you could do it on the weekend
RiderFan
Communicate.
GRACE
Uhh...
TRIP
Let's talk some more about Grace.
RiderFan
Compromise.
TRIP
Grace, I don't think you really do want us to quit our jobs, lead a simpler lifestyle.
GRACE
What? Trip, you know what I --
TRIP
Oh come on! You grew up with a silver spoon in your mouth. You can't live any other way.
RiderFan
Take it easy on Grace.
GRACE
Oh, RiderFan, look, I know you're trying to help, but right now we just need get this all out in the open...
RiderFan
Let us.
TRIP
Grace, we don't -- we don't have to do this... things are okay, we can just --
GRACE
RiderFan, I can't stand the pretending anymore... I can't take it!
RiderFan
We will get through this together.
TRIP
No, Grace, we can... I mean, come on, don't make it out to be so bad...
GRACE
Uhh...
(RiderFan comforts grace.)
TRIP
Jesus, RiderFan, quit it with that stuff!
GRACE
Look, why don't we talk about us, our relationship.
TRIP
You know, I can't say Grace -- (interrupted)
RiderFan
Relationship
GRACE
Look, if we're going to talk about marriage, all I can say is, it doesn't turn out the way you expect it to.
TRIP
Grace...
RiderFan
Yes it does.
TRIP
Yes?
GRACE
Ah, thank you, it helps us to hear that!
TRIP
Uhh, what?
GRACE
Trip, I just expected being married to be different, that's all...
TRIP
(frustrated sigh)
RiderFan
Why
GRACE
Let's keep the focus on us, our relationship.
TRIP
You know, Grace, ever since I first proposed to you, almost ten years ago now...
GRACE
Trip...
TRIP
it's always been impossible to get you to just... just... feel happy...!
GRACE
RiderFan, Trip, I... we... uhh...
(RiderFan sits on the couch.)
RiderFan
Look at each other.
TRIP
You know... uhh...
GRACE
Look, let's talk about Trip now.
TRIP
RiderFan, you think this is all my fault, don't you?
RiderFan
No.
TRIP
No?
(RiderFan gets up from the couch.)
TRIP
Oh, well thank God you disagree, that helps! (frustrated sigh) I didn't screw anything up...
TRIP
Okay, I'm sick of this bullshit!!
TRIP
RiderFan, I know what you're hinting at...
TRIP
about me...
TRIP
about our marriage...
TRIP
Do you two want the truth? Huh?
RiderFan
Truth
TRIP
Grace?
GRACE
Yes...!
TRIP
See, RiderFan, I've been paying attention to what you've been saying tonight.
TRIP
You've really been pushing me tonight.
TRIP
And I wonder, are you really my friend or not.
GRACE
Trip!
TRIP
RiderFan, I ask you this -- yes or no...
TRIP
Do you really think that...
TRIP
criticizing Grace...
TRIP
praising Grace...
TRIP
criticizing me...
TRIP
and what you said about giving advice to your wife...
TRIP
that all that is supposed to help me understand something about myself?
RiderFan
no
TRIP
Is all of that arguing intended to mean something, or...
TRIP
No? Huh... I'm surprised you say that, I thought it did.
RiderFan
Arguing does not help.
TRIP
Grace...
TRIP
uhh...
TRIP
I've been having an affair.
GRACE
Oh my God.
TRIP
It's over now, though.
GRACE
But how could you --
TRIP
(big sigh) with the client, in, uh, Barcelona.
(RiderFan comforts grace.)
GRACE
Maria.
TRIP
I was lonely, Grace.
TRIP
But, but, I -- I regret it, I really, really regret it.
(RiderFan sits on the couch.)
TRIP
uhh...
GRACE
uhh...
GRACE
Oh my God...!
TRIP
RiderFan, I --
GRACE
I'm going to give you the truth too, Trip.
TRIP
What?!
(RiderFan gets up from the couch.)
GRACE
I painted this.
TRIP
Bullshit.
GRACE
I am an artist, Trip, fuck you.
TRIP
You've been secretly painting? When --
GRACE
Everytime you go on a goddamn business trip, I paint.
TRIP
Jesus --
GRACE
So don't EVER give me any more of your 'you could never be an artist' crap!!
GRACE
uhh...
TRIP
uhh...
TRIP
Jesus...!
TRIP
Okay, RiderFan, Grace, I have one more thing to say...
GRACE
Again?!
TRIP
Grace...
TRIP
uhh...
TRIP
I forced you to marry me, didn't I.
TRIP
When I proposed to you, in front of your parents, on Christmas Eve, and...
TRIP
I knew you wouldn't be capable of saying no.
GRACE
You manipulated me.
GRACE
And I never did anything about it.
TRIP
Yes.
GRACE
And here we are.
TRIP
uhh...
GRACE
uhh...
GRACE
Oh my God...!
GRACE
This changes everything...
TRIP
Yeah.
TRIP
You... you really have to be an artist...
GRACE
You finally admitted it -- you felt very alone... and you had an affair...
TRIP
I manipulated you into marrying me...
GRACE
No, I -- I let it happen...
TRIP
RiderFan, I --
GRACE
RiderFan, we...
TRIP
Look, we -- we need to talk...
GRACE
Yeah.
TRIP
RiderFan, Thanks for coming over, you... I think you helped us.
(RiderFan knocks on the front door.)
(RiderFan opens the front door.)
(RiderFan knocks on the front door.)
(RiderFan knocks on the front door.)
GRACE
Bye. Thanks.
(RiderFan hugs trip.)
(RiderFan points to the elevator button.)
(RiderFan points to the elevator button.)
(Trip closes the front door.)