Dumb Moments in JAV

[Electromog]

That doesn't look like JAV

 

[barba]

That doesn't look like JAV

just pretend the central air ducts are room fans.


and put a large texaco sign on the wall.

 

[Hans Kowalski]

PSD-359

Our POV protagonist receives a huge package and seems confused. It's addressed to him though, so he opens it anyway.

Oh no! Inside is a poor girl!

It's all fine though.

So, the girl begins to crawl out of the box and starts complaining about the packaging material and how cramped it was or something.

Then she asks our very confused protagonist who he is and introduces herself as Tsubomi.

After her long journey in the box she's pretty thirsty so she just runs right past our protagonist and up to his fridge, demanding some juice.

She finds a drink and demands our protagonist open the can for her. Still confused, our hero does as ordered.

After a tiny sip she suddenly starts to get hungry too.

She demands something to eat, so our protagonist hastely searches through his cupboards.

She tells him to hurry it up and finally he finds some bread.

Tsubomi seems happy enough and takes a few bites.

Now she wants to think our POV hero. He's as confused as ever as she puts the bread aside...

...throws him down and starts kissing him.

And then she sucks him off. He remains as confused as ever.

I dunno about you guys, but I thought the entire setup was really dumb in a funny way.

 

[needs more loli]

PSD-359

Our POV protagonist receives a huge package and seems confused. It's addressed to him though, so he opens it anyway.

Oh no! Inside is a poor girl!

It's all fine though.

So, the girl begins to crawl out of the box and starts complaining about the packaging material and how cramped it was or something.

Then she asks our very confused protagonist who he is and introduces herself as Tsubomi.

After her long journey in the box she's pretty thirsty so she just runs right past our protagonist and up to his fridge, demanding some juice.

She finds a drink and demands our protagonist open the can for her. Still confused, our hero does as ordered.

After a tiny sip she suddenly starts to get hungry too.

She demands something to eat, so our protagonist hastely searches through his cupboards.

She tells him to hurry it up and finally he finds some bread.

Tsubomi seems happy enough and takes a few bites.

Now she wants to think our POV hero. He's as confused as ever as she puts the bread aside...

...throws him down and starts kissing him.

And then she sucks him off. He remains as confused as ever.

I dunno about you guys, but I thought the entire setup was really dumb in a funny way.

Ha. Excellent narration.
Somehow once she said she was hungry I knew it was gonna end with a BJ.

 

[wilson99]

Ha. Excellent narration.
Somehow once she said she was hungry I knew it was gonna end with a BJ.

ME TOO! Haha I bet they did that on purpose.

 

[Hans Kowalski]

ME TOO! Haha I bet they did that on purpose.

Yeah, that makes sense in porn-land at least, but overall it's not the direction I'd expect from a "Girl delivered in a box" porn-scenario. Usually in these kind of stories she's supposed to be your sex slave, but here all she does is raid your fridge and complain while you're helplessly watching.

 

[needs more loli]

I think this entire movie qualifies as a dumb moment.
RCT-750 Ass Sumo Tournament Big War Ass Boast 8 Absolute Defeat Is Not A Woman By People Ketsubatoru! !

No sex. Literally just a bunch of girls bumping their butts against each other trying to push the other off the platform.


edit: Oops. I linked to the wrong download thread.

 

[carnevil]

This bit from KV-104..

Apologies if you were fapping.

 

[needs more loli]

That man is a legend for being so disgusting lol

 

[Hans Kowalski]

He's sort of the final boss in Knight's Visual movies.

Every other JAV actor must be jealous of him. Under normal circumstances it'd be a stressful job, but this guy doesn't have to stay in shape, doesn't have to clean himself up, he's not asked to do any athletic sex acts on set, he just gets up out of bed, waddles on set and has some fun. Does he actually get paid for this?

 

[jugulear]

.
That's the fabled Grotesque Guy, is it not? I understand many soothsayers have sung songs honoring him, as they venture from town to town. Trouble is, many a soothsayer's career has been wrecked, because most wind up very unsoothed, afterwards.

Hans Kowalski deserves a ticker tape parade for putting up his labor-intensive post above. Yes, Hans may not have cicadas beat (those insects come alive every seventeen years), but he came sort of close, awakening from his slumber some eight years after hooking up with Akiba-Online. We are fortunate Hans has stirred, and we can only pray that he continues to flap his mandibles.

I may not be as annoyed with Tsubomi as I am with the Golden Archer (peruse link above), but she has rarely rubbed me the right way. I have never cared for her kewpie-doll, and entirely average, good looks. Yet the shots above hint at the girl's actually possessing some ... personality. Is it possible that she has grown up and now has more going for her, than simply a cheap reliance on looking supposedly cute?

(By the way, Needs More Loli, won't you consider reducing that teddy bear graphic in your signature to... ohhh, let's say... one six-hundredth of its size?)

.

 

[needs more loli]

I thought the final boss was this guy:

 

[Hans Kowalski]

He's the easy QTE-boss at the very end, compared to hobo-man.

.
That's the fabled Grotesque Guy, is it not? I understand many soothsayers have sung songs honoring him, as they venture from town to town. Trouble is, many a soothsayer's career has been wrecked, because most wind up very unsoothed, afterwards.

Hans Kowalski deserves a ticker tape parade for putting up his labor-intensive post above. Yes, Hans may not have cicadas beat (those insects come alive every seventeen years), but he came sort of close, awakening from his slumber some eight years after hooking up with Akiba-Online. We are fortunate Hans has stirred, and we can only pray that he continues to flap his mandibles.

I may not be as annoyed with Tsubomi as I am with the Golden Archer (peruse link above), but she has rarely rubbed me the right way. I have never cared for her kewpie-doll, and entirely average, good looks. Yet the shots above hint at the girl's actually possessing some ... personality. Is it possible that she has grown up and now has more going for her, than simply a cheap reliance on looking supposedly cute?

(By the way, Needs More Loli, won't you consider reducing that teddy bear graphic in your signature to... ohhh, let's say... one six-hundredth of its size?)

.

Yeah, sorry about that, I was still a baby when I signed up, incapable of any coherent thought.

Tsubomi is one of my favorite AV actresses, I always like a good contrast between a cute, young look and a dominant role, which she does pretty often actually and quite well.

 

[pavane]

.
Hi, Evilwelshman..! Hopefully everyone with memories of dumb old JAVs will pitch in... including, maybe even you!

Oh, yes, the "loverboy" phenomenon. I think there was a Dutch movie exploring the theme, and by that name, most likely among others. (Is that the part of the world where you may be located, Electromog? I always wondered what powered your fabled electricity, and I never thought about windmills.)

The loverboys are a different ball of wax, however; they enter into relationships with the idea of becoming, basically, pimps. (That is, the loverboy's main incentive is financial profit; the dominating male character in "The Story of O" gets his kicks from the control over his female sex slave.) The setting of the movie I brought up appears to be girlfriend-boyfriend, point being, the normal boyfriend, even a dominating creep (not enmeshed in the fringe world of hardcore S&M), will not want to share the goods.

Codegeek brings up an excellent point; whether it's implausible for the majority of men to encourage their women to have sex with other men or not, we don't want to get hung up too much on the absurdity of the situation... because, let's face it, a lot of JAVs have ridiculous premises (and that's one reason why we could love them). But the nonsense carries a fine line, or as CG worded it, "...Sometimes the situation, plot or story is so odd I even can't accept it for a functional movie."

The not-as-overt objection to this particular movie, on my part, is that sometimes you know how you run into amazing title descriptions? (Especially the way Asian Screens handles some of them.) Then you watch the movie, and it's just routine sex. Then you're left holding the bag, wondering, hey! What happened to that great premise we were promised?

I only have the screen shots to judge by, as I have not seen this movie,, but it appears to me that all we've got is an excuse for routine sex. I don't think we get any of the drama of the guy "persuading" his girlfriend to have sex with other men.

If the movie was honest and made a point of the promised "plot," I think I would like this movie. Rather, it appears to be an idea they dreamed up to dress an uninspired porno with the usual sex scenes, and that's what sends it reeling into dumbsville.

(Yet that raises another bugaboo; there is no end to porn for porn's sake, and if a porno simply offers sex scenes, we can't classify such as dumb... because the whole idea of porn is the sex scenes. It's not gonna be easy to pick out the dumber JAVs, I tell ya, but I suppose - just like pornography itself - we'll know it when we see it.)



EDIT (Much, much later):


Below, Paparoach408 had treated us to a marvelous post, but the images had disappeared a long time ago. While I can't pretend to do justice to the great way Papa laid out his story, I thought the following will give you at least some appreciation of what he was getting at.


This looks like such a happy scene, 3 girls playing with toys what could ever possibly go wrong?

View attachment 428401

Um WTF is going on?

View attachment 428400

Then the dog gets involved?

View attachment 428402

View attachment 428403

View attachment 428404

At this point I've just given up on life

View attachment 428405


From A World in Which Suddenly One Day Stuffed Animals Go After Pretty Girls - Stuffe

Hmm is that TED 3?

 

[needs more loli]

This guy's face rofl
He's so blown away by what's happening. Best part is that when its his turn he cums in 10 seconds haha

 

[paparoach408]

.


I may not be as annoyed with Tsubomi as I am with the Golden Archer (peruse link above), but she has rarely rubbed me the right way. I have never cared for her kewpie-doll, and entirely average, good looks. Yet the shots above hint at the girl's actually possessing some ... personality

.

 

[Hans Kowalski]

Here's a dumb censorship related moment. Now of course we could argue that censorship by itself is very dumb, but whatever, I've gotten used to it, as long as it's not a giant pixelcarpet over the whole area like it was over 10 years ago.

Anyway, this bit of censorship in the recent Minimum release MUM-168 made me chuckle.

See the red circle. At first I didn't even get what they were trying to cover up, maybe there's a brand name on the bath or something?

But then the actors moved and the bath pixelation along with them...

...and that's when it hit me. They were actually censoring the reflection on the metal, even though you can't make out a thing anyways.

That's real dedication to your work but also incredibly dumb.

 

[jugulear]

.
The following is hardly the pinnacle of Dumb Moments in JAV... but I figured, a little dishonorable mention would go a long way.


One Wife and Many Husbands - Wife of a Fat Man, Animal Trainer and An Old Man MIAD-440], starring Yui Igawa (A.K.A. Polyandry: Teacher and Old Man Share a Wife)



Beautiful Married Yui are sending a strange married life and her husband of three people. Smell fetish licking Jiji~i husband, Oedipus complex giant fat husband, hypnosis Torture harnessed favorite husband, to share one wife without jealousy each other, to love his wife in each of propensity. De M wife obedience happy to Kimoi husbands

The reason why I decided to single out this film for our meritorious award was because I could just imagine what went through the JAV-makers' minds:

Hmmmm... we need some kind of a twist to feature our regular old sex scenes. I've GOT it! Why don't we pair our heroine off with the most unlikely mates? An old guy... a fat guy! And... an animal trainer! Why, this is genius. Pure genius!


.

 

[kharo88]

I've got one but this doesn't come near any of what you guys posted. It happens in the first scene of BLK-099 with Takikawa Kanon.

She "sexually harasses" a construction worker on site. She first gives him a blowjob, then a handjob and ends with a footjob. Then comes the dumb part: she walks away bare feet, leaving her high heels and reticule behind. No girl would ever do that! It totally killed my immersion, but luckily that was the end of that scene, so no harm done in the end.

 

[Blade Runner]

The topic is 'dumb' not 'disgusting' so no ranting about either scat or grandpa/uncle getting busy with women half their age.

I do not understand the logic behind "Gold Dust Idol" series. IMO best scenes are pouring chocolate syrup on the actress. Chocolate is fun. One can lick it off the naughty parts. Gold dust? Not fun. Three of my faves have done GDI; Maki Hojo, Marina Matsumoto, and Reiko Kobayakawa.

Maki Hojo
http://www.r18.com/videos/vod/movie...dmmref=video.movies.new&i3_ref=list&i3_ord=56
I'm not thinking about work with a secretary like Maki.


Marina Matsumoto
http://www.r18.com/videos/vod/movie...dmmref=video.movies.new&i3_ref=list&i3_ord=72
Mosaics are frustrating because Marina gets her Greek swerve on.


Reiko Kobayakawa
http://www.r18.com/videos/vod/movie...dmmref=video.movies.new&i3_ref=list&i3_ord=66
I'd love to pour chocolate on Reiko. Call Hershey!